


Only Bury the Dead

by randers1



Category: Chicago PD (TV), Upstead - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randers1/pseuds/randers1
Summary: Hailey reels from the death of her CI, Cameron. Based on Season 7 ep "Informant"
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 44
Kudos: 120





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favorite episodes and the end broke my heart for Hailey. This is just a thread about how things could have happened after it. Also, not that it really matters but I'm pushing it farther so it takes place a bit later in the season--no where in particular but obviously still before Devil You Know. Maybe it could be considered slightly au?
> 
> All characters belong to Dick Wolf

Everyone nodded and got right to their assignments following Hank Voight’s directions. Typically, during her tenure at Intelligence, Hailey was right in the mix of the unit moving onward quickly to the next task. She was always pivoting to move or jumping into or up from her seat to get right to work. But since Cameron had been killed 2 days ago, and his assumed killer continued to walk free, that hadn’t been the case.

She was living with the loss of her CI, the one she’d flipped and known for the better part of 9 years, living with the memory of the horror occurring right in front of her, and the bitterness she felt in her team not backing her pleas to find something that connected Darius Walker to the death.

She was a professional and she did her work but her usual zest for it was muted. Now she did her best work alone. It had been three days and she'd distanced herself from them almost immediately. She was still a member of the unit, interacted, shared notes, talked shop, but the inherent trust she’d once held for them felt kinked.

They all noticed it. Kevin had reached out the morning after. When Hailey had come in for her shift she found an envelope on her chair; Inside was a greeting card with a small graphic cartoon he’d drawn. She’d immediately turned to him and pulled a tight smile from somewhere. She felt like the change in her expression nearly hurt and she couldn’t sustain the way her lips were trying to turn. So she dropped it and instead held the card up to him and said a quiet, “thank you” huffing out a small chuckle along with it. The intention was sweet, she knew. She just couldn’t feel it.

Kim had invited her out for lunch that day, and then drinks at Molly’s after work. Adam tried to stay close to her physically and tried to include her in every single conversation he had no matter who it was with. Voight left her alone.

And Jay tried--tried to ease her guilt, to get her to talk to him but she didn’t have it in her to invest. All she felt capable of was looking ahead with tunnel vision at the work she needed to do and when it needed to be done by. Letting her mind stay busy with that was what she needed, not to talk about feelings or memories or what could have been done differently ‘if only.’ Hailey wanted to be left alone to work, to try for sleep, then to work again. At least for the short term.

When the various unit members had approached Voight on the with their concerns he’d told them all the same thing. “Give her some time. She’ll come back.” They’d each walked out of the office hoping he was right.

Hailey sat at her desk now and heard for herself as those words drifted out to her. She didn’t know who they were spoken to but she knew they were about her. She closed her eyes and was looking down at her lap certain she hadn't been meant to hear them. When Jay walked out of the office and saw her, he tried to cover his surprise at seeing her there, knowing what she’d probably heard. “Hey” he gave a nod as he sat in his seat across from her.

She lifted her head and met his eyes. “Hey,” she returned, and was hopeful that the smile she offered wasn’t as weak as it felt. She used to be so much better at pretending but she was long out of practice.

“I didn’t think you were in for a few more hours.”

Her mouth twitched a bit. “Couldn’t sleep.” She’d come in ridiculously early and had just put in some time down in the basement cleaning out and sorting the COH components.

She looked over to the kitchen. “I’m gonna start some coffee. Want?”

He leaned forward in his chair. “Hailey-“

Her phone chimed and she checked it immediately, interrupting him.

“CI wants to meet about Elena Britt.” The case they were currently working had women’s bodies piling up at random throughout Pilsen. The higher ups in the Ivory Tower were watching their progress and their displeasure with each increase in the body count was obvious. Elena was the latest victim, found behind a dumpster in a Starbucks parking lot. “I’m gonna head out.” She reached for the back of her seat and grabbed her jacket.

“Want company?” The question seemed to catch her off guard as she visibly startled at it “Hailey?”

She rallied from the ask and shook her head lightly as she pulled her loose hair out from the back of her jacket. “Um, no… No, I’m good. If anything pans out from it I’ll let you know. I’ll be in touch.” She picked up her phone and stood, noticing Jay match her movements.

Her behavior before had troubled him but he’d wanted to respect her and give her space. Seeing her confusion about him joining her though pushed him past the line he wasn’t sure which of them had drawn. But he was over it now and his voice was firm if not slightly exasperated when he spoke. “Fuck that, I’m coming with.”

They stood facing each other with their desks between them. Jay was pulling his jacket from the back of his chair while Hailey stood and blinked a few times. She couldn’t say no, didn’t think it was worth an argument, so slowly put her phone in her pocket and accepted the company.

“And in the car? We’re gonna talk.”


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey's reaction to Cameron's death in Informant. (7x7)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All DW's. 
> 
> Could be considered slightly au I suppose. Nothing is really different except I'm pushing up 7x7 and maybe swapping it with center mass. I don't write Vanessa in, I have no idea why, I don't dislike her but in this universe there just isn't a Vanessa.

Jay had known Hailey for 3 years and had never seen her like this. He’d seen her angry, pissed off, upset, sad, and disappointed, but this was something different entirely. She was _lost_. He’d tried to be there for her, to do their thing, had asked her to meet him at Molly’s, had even showed up at her door. She’d been polite with each refusal, annoyingly so. _Thank you, but no, I’m just gonna head home, I appreciate you thinking of me but I’m actually on my way out._

Fifteen minutes ago Jay had commandeered the ride and pulled his truck out of the District’s lot. Now he and Hailey sat in rush hour traffic at another red light. 

He’d tried making small talk with her, talking about work, even tried a Platt joke. She pretended to listen, throwing a fake smile if she thought it might be appropriate, but he knew she wasn’t really with him.

At another light with no progress made, he decided to press her. His hands gripped the steering wheel as he spoke. “I’m trying, Hailey…I’m trying to be there for you. And I get that you don’t want it, or think you need it…but this isn’t healthy what you’re doing, shutting me out. This isn’t you.”

She shook her head lightly. “I’m fine, Jay.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I get what you saw and I get you guys were close—“

“We weren’t close,” she snapped. “He was my CI.”

He looked at her as he inched the truck forward having missed the change. “If you’re gonna lie to me? Do better. I was there when he intro’d you to Barr. He knew you Hailey, you guys obviously had history.”

Hailey didn’t respond. Instead she moved her gaze out the passenger side window, willing herself to see the passing scenery instead of the memories replaying in her head. The ones of meeting a young Cameron for the first time, the tips he’d sold her, the stories he’d told her. She’d tried to reign him in even from the beginning but he was just so eager.

A year in to his working for her she’d invited him to dinner to celebrate his birthday and surprisingly he brought his mom. She thanked Hailey for keeping her son employed in something other than what the local boys did to earn money. She had taken Hailey’s hand in hers and told her she was in her prayers, and she’d continue to pray for her blessings and safety. Cam’s phrase for her began that night when he hooked an arm around Hailey’s shoulders and said, “She don’t need that, Ma, she got me. I got her covered—I always got her back.” He grinned at her. “And not just—got you front, center, sideways, too.”

Hailey sighed. “I’m fine, Jay” she repeated.

They weren’t going anywhere with the traffic gridlocked in front of them and he went where he knew it was important even if right now he probably shouldn’t.

Jay swallowed and looked at the middle of the steering wheel. “Fine's not good enough though. If it comes to it, Hailey, can I count on you? Are you gonna be okay to cover me? Because if not--”

The words burned through her haze and she was immediately clear headed and present. She turned to Jay, breathing in with surprise. “ _Of course_ ,” her brow furrowed. “I always have your back Jay.”

The light turned green and the traffic cleared as Jay accepted her answer. “Okay, I just thought--”

Hailey understood his concern. She would feel the same if the situation was reversed. Hell, she felt the same about herself now. Tentatively, she reached out with her left hand and touched his arm. “I promise you. If I ever thought I couldn’t be with you at 100% I’d take myself out.” She was solemn with her words and spoke surely. “Jay, I’d never put you in that situation.”

He nodded. Anything else they may have said was interrupted by Hailey pointed to a parking lot on the right. As Jay pulled the truck in and parked, she motioned to a Hispanic male standing 2 rows over. Her CI.

“Hey Hector,” Hailey greeted her CI as she and Jay walked up to him. “This is Detective Halstead. Whattya got on Elena Britt?”

Hector was just a bit shorter than Jay. He was from Miami and Hailey had flipped him on his third day in Chicago when she'd busted him for holding just a bit too much of something he probably shouldn't have had to begin with given his nervous demeanor that wasn't stemming from nerves. 

He settled his eyes on Jay, sizing him up and twisted his lips in to a grimace. “This is new.”

Hailey rolled her eyes at her CI. “Info. _Now_. Or we’re walking.”

“Hold up,” Hector nearly whined. He was starting to feel twitchy and wasn’t willing to lose a chance to grab at some money. “Good God lady, I just wanna know who I’m working with here. I know _you_ , I don’t know _this_.” His hand went up and down, indicating Jay.

“I’m her partner.” He flashed his badge and shot a quick glance at Hailey. “We good?”

Hector looked to Hailey who nodded to confirm. She spoke with irritation. “I’m serious Hector, I’m ready to roll.”

“Damn girl, slow it down,” It was now her turn to be looked up and down. “You doin alright? You lookin a little ha—

“You think I’m joking?” she interrupted harshly as her brow furrowed. “Bye.” Hailey started to turn with Jay watching the interaction and ready to follow.

The information immediately started spewing from Hector’s mouth and Hailey stilled. “Ok, ok, so this Elena, I heard she was getting’ around but not in the normal way.”

“The ‘normal way’?” Jay repeated, confused. “What was she doing?”

“Girl wasn’t meeting guys like they do around here, she was on some website or somethin” He fished a paper from his pocket and held it out to Hailey.

“Love Noatz” she read, questioning, her eyes going from the paper back to her CI.

Hector shrugged. “She met some guy on it, saw him a few times before she ended up dead. Told my girl Lola something how she was gonna get a family with this dude.”

“What’s that mean, ‘get a family’? Jay wanted to know.

“Hell I know, she and Lola get crazy together when they sh-” he looked at Hailey’s expression and corrected. “When they hangin out. But it’s what she said so…”

Jay exchanged a look with Hailey, somewhat surprised at the quality of the information. She gave a one shoulder shrug in return as she reached in her jacket pocket for the cash she’d pulled from the CI Fund via Trudy before they left.

“I’ll add this to your file.” Hailey told him as she handed him the bills.

“I gotta be just about done though, right?” Hector whined lightly as he took the cash. 

Hailey was about to speak but then stopped short, obviously having changed her mind about whatever it was she was about to say. She pursed her lips for a second before giving a flash of a smile. “You’re good, Hector. This closed you out.”

Hector didn’t believe her. “You playin’?”

She reached forward to pat his arm. “We’re done. I’ll text you your case number.”

“But if you get the guy who did this girl, I’m still on that right?”

“Yeah,” she assured him. “I’ll be in touch. Stay out of trouble.” She told him over her shoulder as she and Jay began to walk back to the truck.

“I’ll call it in,” Jay pulled out his phone and called the information in to Ruzek. He, Kevin and Kim would start pulling information in the bullpen and see where they were with it when Jay and Hailey returned.

They'd been back on the road for a few minutes. “So he was interesting…” Jay mused, chuckling. “Why’d you release him? Seemed like a good CI.”

Hailey was annoyed by the question. “He worked his case off.” He hadn’t really but one less CI on her roster for now felt better than continuing to be responsible for him.

“Yeah? How long you have him?” Jay was trying to make conversation. Difficult when she didn’t respond so he tried again. “How many tips he give you?”

Hailey tried to control her breathing along with her irritation at the repeated questioning. She was seething and bit out her reply. “Why are you questioning me? You think I don’t know how to work a CI? You think I don’t know what I’m doing?”

Jay’s face immediately showed his incredulity at her response before turning to mild anger. He put his foot on the gas pedal and wove in and out of the few cars on the road before pulling over and braking hard so that they came to rest on the side of the road.

Hailey hadn’t had time to yell at him for how he was driving before Jay exploded on her. “Okay, this has to stop! What the hell is wrong with you? You think I’m _questioning_ you? Like I don’t trust you? There’s a difference between that and _asking_ you a question.”

Hailey glared at him accusingly. “Since when do you need to know how many tips a CI has put toward a case?”

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before putting both on the steering wheel again. “Hailey…I _don’t_. I’m just talking…trying to get you to talk to me. And if you’re not talking, I’m just coming up with questions. Because I’m _trying_ \--.”

“You ask anyone else about their CIs?” she asked bitterly.

He was obviously considering his next words carefully and when he spoke it was slowly. “You have gone through something horrible--

She scoffed loudly but he continued.

“And I don’t know what I’ve done to-“

Her quiet “Nothing,” stopped him.

“What?”

She turned to him more directly now. “Nothing.” She said clearly, her face a mask of impassivity. “You did nothing.”

“Am I supposed to get that? Cuz I don’t.”

Her tone was biting. “After Cameron… I wanted him arrested, to get him to admit what he did, to be held accountable.” She knew he’d know the ‘him’ she was talking about.

Jay closed his eyes, remembering her desperation at grabbing Darius a few days earlier.

“Not only did you not back me Jay, you gave _reasons_ not to.” She spat.

Jay licked his bottom lip. “Hailey. You --”

She was running hot and talking fast. “We do things that other departments call ‘shady,’ Jay, that they call ‘questionable’—we do them because it _works_ and we get the answers we’re after.” She shook her head in wonder. “Why not then? Why not with him? Why not _try_?” When he didn’t answer right away Hailey groaned in frustration, rubbing the tears from her eyes before roughly opening her door and getting out. She stood with her back against the truck bed and tried to get herself together.

Things made a bit more sense to Jay. He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the head rest letting her words and his thoughts roll around. He got what she was saying and he sighed, turning his body and got out. He walked quietly around to her side of the truck and stood beside her.

He looked down at their feet and said her name quietly. She closed her eyes at the sound, never wanting to let it affect her when he said it that way, and failing every time. The fight was gone from her and she only had sadness in its place. He saw it as she looked over at him.

“I don’t know what to say…I’m sorry.” He offered softly, looking back at her. “I get what you’re saying...what you wanted…and I’m sorry it seemed I didn’t back what you were looking for.” His mouth twitched.

He understood her, and wanted her to understand him now, his position then. “Remember what Voight says, there’s a difference between knowing and proving. And that night you knew---but we weren’t in a position to prove it.” Getting the carfentanil had been Voight’s priority and despite his allegiance to his partner Jay thought the right call had been made. He just wished he’d at least spoken to her about it that night. “We were already in the middle of an action plan, Hailey.” He reminded her gently.

Hailey blew out a controlled breath and nodded. In her mind she got the logic, but it was her heart that had taken over and couldn’t grasp it. It was just still so sore and so angry. Slowly, she slid down against the truck until she was sitting on the ground, knees against her chest. Jay joined her down there.

She tilted her gaze away from Jay and shook her head gently, tears pooling in her eyes. Despite her anger and frustration just a short time ago she found herself sharing her thoughts and feelings with him. “I don’t…..I don’t know how to live with this Jay,” she admitted. “I’m trying…but I can’t figure it out….”

Beside her she felt Jay’s sympathetic sigh as he listened.

“Putting it all Cameron doesn’t feel right.” She turned to him them and looked right in to his eyes. “I put him out there. I knew him—should’ve known he wouldn’t back off that easy…..”

Jay wasn’t quite sure what to say. She’d never shown him this level of vulnerability before. He wished he had the answer for her, something that would help her find some peace and take away her guilt. Instead he too did something he’d never before. He took in a deep breath and moved his arm, wrapping it around her shoulders and pulled her a bit closer to him. It was the only comfort he knew he could offer. She stiffened at first then melted against him, her head coming to rest against his shoulder. They didn’t talk, just sat together in that new way, backs against the rear tire and truck bed, listening to the cars that passed them on the road.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unit takes a case as Hailey tried to deal with her emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of them belong to me.

Hailey’s fingertips rubbed at her closed eyes. When she opened them, she looked to Jay and mustered a small smile. “We should get back.”

He nodded and pulled his arm back, and stood. He reached a hand to Hailey who took it and he pulled her up.

“Thanks for this,” she said softly.

His lip turned upward in to a half smile, happy to have been able to give her some relief, make her feel a bit better. She was turning toward the passenger side door when he reached out again and caught her elbow. Even as she turned back to him he didn’t let go, just softened his grip. “You okay?”

She looked right at him and answered his check-in honestly. “No” but offered a small wary smile. “But this helped.” She turned away again feeling the warmth of Jay’s hand fall away.

He watched the passenger door close, torn between enjoying the warmth in his chest and being glad he could help her, and pushing away the warmth and feeling sad that she felt this way to begin with. _She’s your partner_ , he reminded himself. _Nothing good can come of anything else. Get it together._ He got back in the truck and they drove in a much easier silence back to the district.

In the bullpen Kevin and Kim stood at the board, and updated the team on what they’d been able to dig up.

Kim pointed to a woman’s picture. “Elena Britt, 27, unemployed, joined this website ‘Love Noatz’.” Kim’s finger pointed to the next series of pictures. “We have pod coverage of her entering and exiting this place, Lil Mama’s—it’s a bodega in the front with 2 computers in the back for paid use.”

“Kinda like an old internet café,” Kevin interjected before pointing to another picture. “She was on the site a lot, mostly messaging men and not getting any responses, until she got one from this guy.” He pointed to a new picture. “Antonio Cuellar, 29, widower. Wife died in a dwi. He works as a custodian for a cleaning company. They service a few offices around the city. His alibi checks out for the night Elena was killed.”

Hailey spoke as she perched on the side of her desk with Jay beside her. “K, Hector said something about her getting a family from this guy?”

Jay nodded, “Yeah, didn’t say _have_ a family but _get_ one which is weird.”

“Right,” Kim replied, putting up another picture and smoothing it out so it would stick to the board. “This is Karla Lopez Cuellar, 16, supposed to be a high school junior but no school has her listed as a student. Last known enrollment was as a 9th grader at Chicago West. No priors but she does run with some girls whose boyfriends are members of the Four Corner Hustlers. Also, no phone we can find, probably using a burner, and no social media to speak of.”

“A 16 year old girl with no social media? That’s suspicious in itself.” Hailey quipped. She felt Jay’s huff beside her.

“Huh” Voight rocked on his heels. “She could be a link.”

It was Kevin’s turn again. “Now, Elena’s body was found in the Starbucks parking lot, back by the dumpster, at 6:28am when the one of the employees went back to throw out some trash. There aren’t any pod cameras back there but we do have a traffic camera showing her driving toward that Starbucks at 5:16am.”

“Kinda a weird thing for someone with no job to be making a coffee run that early in the morning,” Adam mused facetiously.

Voight looked around the room. “Alright, we’re gonna start with the daughter. Ruzek, Kim see what you can find out about her, maybe she’s working her way in to a gang, see what flag she’s trying to fly. Kev, hit the Starbucks again. I’m sure patrol already interviewed the employees but doesn’t hurt to see if they missed something. Be back ready to write up a warrant in case we need one—Upton and Halstead, you talk to Cuellar. See what he can tell you about Elena…. and his daughter, maybe they had a beef.”

Murmurs of ‘got it boss’ ‘on it’ and the like were heard as everyone grabbed for jackets and took the stairs down. Hailey looked at Jay, “Gimme a sec?” She’d just opened a bottle of motrin and wanted to grab some water. He nodded as Voight looked between them. As Hailey walked away, he moved closer to Halstead.

“How’s that going?” he asked, nodding toward the kitchen.

Jay sighed. “Honestly? Not great. She’s having a hard time.”

“She won’t take any days.”

Jay nodded. “Sounds about right. Probably just wants to keep busy.”

Voight continued. “Keep an eye on her, let me know if I need to step in. She may not get a choice.”

He nodded as Hailey returned, and Voight stepped in to his office.

“Do I want to know?” she asked Jay as she threw the bottle of motrin back in her top drawer. She’d seen the men talking.

He shook his head mildly. “Just concerned.”

Hailey sighed deeply and rolled her eyes a bit. “C’mon.” She pulled her jacket on and they walked down the stairs. 

They pulled up to Antonio Cuellar’s house. Hailey parked her jeep and they made their way to the front door. Jay knocked once, then a few more times. There was no response to any of them.

“Car’s gone,” Hailey noted as she looked around the corner of the porch to see an open garage.

“I’ll check it out.” Jay hopped the porch railing and dropped down to the spotty grass covering the gravel. He was back quickly. “Nothing back there and back door’s locked tight.”

She thought ahead to their next step.“Try him at work?”

Jay started to nod when a voice reached them from the next porch over. “He’s not there. Saw his car pull out a few hours back.” The older woman sitting in a folding chair, called over. “He works nights mostly but not always.”

Jay and Hailey exchanged a look before heading down the 4 steps and walked over to the neighbor. They introduced themselves as detectives with CPD and showed their badges.

“Roberta Young,” the older woman introduced herself. “Oh yeah, I’ve seen you people over here. Coming and going…such a shame, he’s such a nice man to have had such bad luck.”

Hailey was confused. Nothing had popped when they’d run Cuellar or his address. “Ma’am? You’re saying police have been there before?” She thumbed to her neighbor’s home. “Next door?”

“Sure, sure,” she nodded. “First when Madelyn, that was his wife, when she died.

“Poor thing.” She tsk’d a few times as she played with the pocket on her sundress.

“She died in a car accident. Under the influence…” Jay confirmed.

“Pft, if that’s what you say. What _I_ say is she never had a drink or done a drug in the whole time I knew her. Which was a long time.” She looked at them pointedly.”

Jay noted the information with interest. “When else have the police been here?”

“Ohh, ummm, let’s see now maybe about 5, 6 months back? It was hot, I know that. Tony was so mad! I’d have been too with all the in and out they were doing, letting all the ac out. The police searched his house he said. Didn’t say what they were looking for but they left a mess behind.”

“Was that the only time?” Jay asked.

“Mm, no maybe a year ago? I don’t remember. But we were having a block-b-q, the whole block got together in the street for a cookout. They showed up and made us move, then they were asking around for Tony. I don’t know what happened but they left pretty quick.”

Hailey needed some clarification, to make sure she was hearing this correctly. This woman was older but seemed to have all of her faculties. “So they were here twice? Once to do a search and before that to talk to Tony? You don’t know what they talked about?”

“Maybe his girlfriend? She went missing you know. Nice girl too from what I’d seen. Young but not too young, Tony’s not like that. Martina Loh...Lopez maybe? Went by Tina. She was friendly too. Used to wave over here. Kinda looked like you—young, pretty…the kind of girl you _see_ , right?” She nodded as she directed the question to Jay.

“Uhhh, yeah,” Jay agreed as he quirked an eyebrow, and dug one of his business cards out from his wallet. He handed it to Ms.Young. “If you think of anything else, anything at all, please give us a call.”

Hailey too offered her a card. “Thank you for your time” she said as she and Jay as made for the few steps.

“Have a good day. You two be safe now!” the woman called back.

They walked the short distance to the car. “You know how much easier our job would be if there was a Roberta Young on every block?” Jay mused as he slid in his seat.

Hailey scoffed lightly. “Yeah, you want someone knowing your business like that?”

He smiled. “I got nothing to hide.”

She shook her head slightly and smiled in the same way. It was small but it was genuine. “Dull personal lives.” She agreed.

He thumbed over toward the direction of the woman’s porch. “She’d move she’d be so bored.” He laughed.

“Sounds like you need to get a life,” Hailey mused.

She noticed him looking at her out of the corner of her eye and turned to see him. “Nah,” he replied quietly, still smiling a bit. “I’m pretty happy with what I got.”

She huffed out a small chuckle for him as she turned her gaze back to the road, hoping her cheeks weren’t pinking up too badly. “How about we check out that website--Love Notes--”

“Note-Zzzz” Jay corrected cheekily. “Yeah, head back in and we’ll check it out. I want to check in to the visits over here too, see if we can find those reports.”


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case moves forward and so does Hailey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all belong to Dick Wolf
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and the kind comments! Really hoping I don't (you!) lost in the weeds on this--first time writing a case. Tried to keep it simple but ohhh the details!! argh!

It turned out that Kevin was way ahead of them. By the time Hailey and Jay arrived back at the bullpen he’d already put up print outs of messages between Elena and Antonio up on the board along with a few others.

Kim and Adam came in last looking frustrated and defeated.

“This girl is a ghost,” Kim announced.

“Everyone knows her, has seen her around…” Adam began.

Kim continued. “but no one knows where she lives, who she runs with…she’s either incredibly good at hiding, well protected, or doesn’t really exist.” She finished with a frustrated eye roll as she sat heavily in a chair.

Jay figured since they were updating he’d throw in what he and Hailey had learned. When he finished, he walked to the board and pointed to the messages Kevin had posted.

Kevin stepped up and took over. “Elena had messaged a bunch of men, but didn’t get a lot of responses. Took 47 tries with different profiles before Cuellar responded to her messages.”

“ _47_?” Hailey muttered and looked over at Kim. “If that’s online dating I’m definitely just staying single.”

“Amen,” Kim leaned forward to offer her hand up in a high five but Hailey had already turned to catch Jay’s awkward look at her. She put her eyes back on Atwater and focused.

“Looks like they went back and forth for about a week before they met up. This site has a clause when you sign up that all communication happens here,” He touched the messages. “No private texting—made this part easy for me.” He quipped. “But this last series of messages was about Cuellar wanting Elena to meet his daughter. Don’t know if they ever met up but 3 days after the last message? Elena was found in that dumpster.”

Hailey stated the obvious. “We need to find the daughter.” 

Jay was looking at the picture in Elena’s profile. Studying it really, studying it so hard that it was noticed by Adam.

“What do you see man?”

Jay tapped the picture of the victim. “Today, Cuellar’s neighbor was talking about a previous girlfriend…said she and Hailey had a similar look.” He looked over to his partner as did the rest of the unit. 

Hailey scoffed just a bit. “Jay you’re describing half the female population in Chicago.”

Kim was standing and walking to the board. “No, I see it Hailey.” Elena Britt wasn’t naturally a blonde as evidenced by her obvious roots but there was enough of a similarity that Kim could see it too. “Do we have any information on that girlfriend?”

Hailey reached behind her for the file they’d compiled and flipped through papers. “Martina Lopez. Tina.”

Adam was typing. “Bingo!” He walked to the printer and pulled the sheet out. He was nodding as he walked to the board and posted it. “I’d say Mr. Cuellar has a type.” They all looked at another blonde hair blued woman.

Not much later Voight was in his office raising his voice to Hailey as Jay sat by, already having gone through this argument with her.

“Boss, if he has a type and I’m that type I think the best play is for me to—“

“Hailey,” His volume was high but his tone wasn’t aggressive. More exhausted by the many rounds this had already gone. “Again. It’s not happening. First of all, we have one woman who’s disappeared, her mother filed a missing persons report that still hasn’t been updated, and the other is dead.”

“I know if you let me go in that I can—“

“The answer is no Hailey. We have time on our side here, there’s no need to rush anyone in.”

Hailey’s frustration was showing no matter how much she was trying to temper it. She went for one last appeal trying to keep any hint of her desperation at bay. “We can get this guy Sarge. If I can meet—“

“This conversation is over. We have the time, we’ll find another way.” Voight walked back around his desk and sat behind it.

Hailey made the mistake of looking over to her partner who was looking back at her with a sympathetic if not ‘I told you so’ look. She sighed and tried to not make a show of giving in.

“Jay where are you with this?” Their boss changed the direction of the conversation.

“We’re still looking for the daughter, we’ve all called our CIs and are running her name in every database we can think of—“

A thought occurred to Hailey. “Roberta Young.” She spoke suddenly and both men looked to her. “Cuellar’s neighbor. She knew something about everyone, but she never mentioned the daughter. She knew about the wife’s death and the missing girlfriend…the wife died, what 2-3 years ago?” She looked to Jay who nodded. “Burgess had the daughter registered as 9th grader 2 years ago—she should’ve been at the house during that time period but she didn’t mention anything about her. Am I the only one that thinks that’s weird?”

“Go follow up,” Voight directed.

They left the office with Jay offering to call Roberta. He was on his phone and dialing at his desk, while Hailey eyed her own but instead walked to the back hallway instead. She made her way down the back stairs to the tech room and started the computer. If she couldn’t go undercover to meet Cuellar, she could certainly do this. She typed in the name she was looking for and when Love Notez appeared on the screen she created an account. She shook her hair out of her pony tail, grabbed her camera and snapped a selfie. Uploading it took no time and she filled out the small questionnaire as a newly unemployed mini mart worker named Kelly.

She logged out of the computer and went to a drawer, fishing for a new undercover phone. She found an unassigned older one and powered it up, typing in her UC code and downloaded the LN app. She was leaning against the table waiting for the app to finish loading when she heard an unhappy voice.

“What are you doing down here?”

Her eyes darted up to see her partner looking at her questioningly. She held up the phone, powering it down by holding her thumb against the button on the side. “New phone. Mine's glitching.”

“Hm,” he said as she walked past him back toward the stairs.

“Did you need something?” She was doing her best to act as casual as she’d been with him 15 minutes ago.

“Wondered where you’d disappeared to.”

“I’m fine, Jay.” Jesus, how many times had she said that? She really was fine, she realized. She could feel the blood rushing through her veins and the headiness that came with starting something that she just knew would yield results. This was one of the parts that she loved about her job, realizing she had the ability to make something happen, to move a case forward.

He watched her move past him, saw the faint flush of color in her cheeks and a new energy in her step. If he’d been worried about her being muted these last few days, he was now worried for her literal sudden change to colorful. He looked around the room quickly before following her up the stairs, eager to give the update on what Roberta had told him about Karla Lopez Cuellar.


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey tries to get through Cameron's death, Jay tries to be there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None are mine. Sorry to make you go through the weeds while I try to write a case. It's a first for me. Trying not to get so bogged down....

The team reconvened at the board as Jay addressed everyone, and gave the update he’d gotten and then vetted. He touched a newly hung picture of the daughter, Karla, gotten from her freshman high school ID. “According to the neighbor, this girl was a nightmare from the day she moved in. Vandalized the neighborhood, broke in to homes along the street, stole jewelry, cash, whatever she could find, the list keeps going.”

Ruzek wondered aloud. “So she has a record then?”

“She do this with friends?” Kim piggybacked. “Gang initiation?”

“No,” Jay answered. “Totally alone, and evidently for the thrill. Things were bad before the mother died and got worse after. About a year after she died, Karla disappeared. She was just gone one day and hasn’t been seen around the neighborhood since.” He turned back toward Adam to address his question. “And here’s something weird. With all of the problems she had, there’s no record of any calls in to CECC, not a patrol drive by, no arrests, absolutely nothing.”

“Is she listed as a runaway, missing person, anything?” Kevin asked.

Jay shook his head as the phone on Kevin’s desk rang. He answered it quietly, hanging up after just a few seconds. “That was Platt.” He looked over to Kim and Adam. “Antonio Cuellar got your message and is waiting downstairs.”

“That’s us” Adam and Kim stood and made their way down to meet the man.

Once the pair left everyone else went back to what they were doing before the update. For Hailey that mean covertly checking the app she’d created the profile for. Already she was creeped out by the posted responses and quickly deleted them. There was only one response she was looking for and that belonged to the man Kim and Adam were now talking to.

The update they presented didn’t shed much light to anyone but Hailey. The team was focusing on the gang connection while she was focused on the daughter as an individual. She thought about the timeline Jay presented—Karla disappeared about a year after her mother died, a year after when things were settling back down, her father started dating.

That night, she was home alone trying to focus on work and a timeline of what she could actually do to be productive and effective with the team. She made lists and prioritized as she went, rewriting the lists in to more organized ones, and kept a side list for herself for the direction she was pursuing. It felt so good to be working on something, toward something, instead of thinking, drowning in guilt, seeing Cameron's face, the hole in his chest where no red should have been, the red that was also sprayed on to her and bathed the front seat of her car. She couldn't remember him without seeing those last seconds play out. With this she could put that to the side, do some good work, and come out with a win for the murdered women. It would be so satisfying.

Hailey sat cross legged on her couch in sweats and a t shirt, hair in a pony tail and out of her face while she worked. The legal pad, torn out papers and pen were quickly pushed aside for the notification from her phone.

_You up?_

A small knowing smile crept across her face as she replied.

_What do you think?_

The knocks that came immediately from her front door weren’t unexpected. She stood, scoffing just a bit as she went to it and opened it to her partner.

“Jay,” she said with a touch of warmth.

“Just checking in, wanted to make sure you were ok.”

She furrowed her brow just slightly as she quipped, “I don’t remember signing up for this service.”

“Oh you did,” he assured quickly as he stepped in to her home.

She closed the door behind him and leaned back against it while she looked at him. When she spoke it was with a soft voice. “I’m doing ok. Finding other things to focus on for a while.”

“I get it.” He nodded as he moved farther in to the house. “But talk to someone when you need to. You can call me any time.”

She pushed off the door and followed him with a slightly wary expression. She followed him to the living room and sat on the couch, her back to the armrest while her legs stretched out a bit toward him. “I know. And I appreciate it, but I think you’ve probably met your quota on partner drama for a while.” There was his out.

He looked at her, surprised. “Hailey, no. This isn’t drama. I _know_ drama and that’s not this. This is loss.”

She didn’t say anything, just tilted her head at him as he continued.

“You—you have a different approach with your CIs. You make them trust in you, you almost,” he rubbed a hand through his hair briefly as he looked for the words. “almost take care of them in some ways. You get attached.” He shrugged. “And I can’t say if that’s good for you or not. I know it’s not typical, and it’s definitely not how I work mine, but Hailey, you are who you are. Most of the time it seems to work in your favor.”

Her eyes were shining as she appreciated how he knew her. “Mm, most of the time.” She repeated quietly. But she was trying not think about that right now and pushed through the thoughts that were threatening.

"And besides, in case you hadn't noticed, no one's punching any tickets. You have _always_ been there for me. Now it's my turn, I'm just here for you, Hailey. Always."

She watched him, processing what he said, and met his gaze, staring at him for what felt like too long to be acceptable but she couldn't turn away. His eyes were on her too. She broke first, giving a small smile and toeing at his thigh with her socked foot. If it was time to talk a bit she could talk about one thing. She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear as she looked up from her lap to him. “Listen, About the other day,I was upset...about--a lot of things and I took it out on you. I want you to know that I’m sorr—“

“Gonna stop you right there.” He held up a hand. “Not necessary. I could’ve read the room better.”

“Well. Thank you then, I’ve never felt so much better after sitting on the ground on the side of the road.” She smiled at him softly, and got one back from him in return.

“We’re good, Hailey.” He assured her quietly. “Now what do you got going on here?” he indicated the paperwork on the table.

“Not a lot” she blew out a breath as she put the papers in a pile. “trying to see if I can make any sense of the case.”

Another notification caught her attention. “Hang on a sec.”

She grabbed her phone and stood, walking with it in to the kitchen. “Want anything?” she called as she scrolled through the responses from Kelly’s dating profile. She was deleting responses so quickly she almost missed the name she’d been looking for. The smirk that broke out on her face was huge as she read the request to message and accepted.

“Something good?” She hadn’t heard him follow her in. His curiosity had piqued when she grabbed for the phone so quickly.

She fumbled for a response, still caught up in the glow of her profile working to entice Cuellar. She swallowed to stall, knowing the tactic was obvious and poorly executed. She felt like a teenager caught sneaking back into the house _very_ late .

“Oh,” she looked down at her phone, her mind frozen for a response. “Yeah…” she managed, powering down the phone and placing it on the kitchen counter. “Mostly just some news I’d been waiting on….some good news.” She grabbed 2 glasses and a bottle of the good tequila.

He was just watching, trying to read her. “Uh huh.”

“C’mon, let’s celebrate.” She held the bottle by its neck and lifted it over her head as she moved back to the living room.

Jay stayed put for a few seconds then followed slowly, feeling uneasy about her behavior. Despondent about Cameron’s death just a few days ago he understood. But this quick turnaround he most certainly did not. 

Once again he sat on the couch but was quickly chastised for that choice.

“Uh-uh,” Hailey pulled on his pant leg as she sat on floor between the couch and coffee table. “Down here.” She began to pour the clear liquid in to each glass.

Jay quelled his eye roll and slid down to sit beside her, both of their backs against the couch. “What are we celebrating exactly?”

She handed him his glass. “Good news--- and that we’re still partners.” She said the last part quietly, continuing on with the same solemn honesty. “I’m glad I have you Jay. I’m glad you’re my partner.” She ended with a tentative smile.

“Hailey.” There were just times when he swore everything he ever wanted to say could be summed up using just her name. They seemed to have so many more of these moments lately. They used to be fewer and farther between, the ones where he felt frozen with her, like they hung in a moment that was just theirs and where anything could happen. “It’s kinda hard to get rid of me. Just ask Ruzek.”

She smiled at him and clinked her glass against his.

“Partners.” He smiled back.

She nodded. “Partners.”


	6. part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey continues to work her own angle and Jay notices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're not mine, yada, yada, yada

Jay had left a little while ago and while she was glad for his company Hailey had been itching to move forward on working her take on their current case. 

She answered the message Cuellar had left for her, agreeing to meet him in the morning for coffee.

She pulled in to the diner as Kelly and slid in to the booth occupied by Cuellar. They chatted easily, Hailey selling Kelly as a down on her luck unemployed cashier. She told him about her past failed relationships and he did the same though leaving out some pretty important details she noted. He did talk about his daughter and that piqued Hailey’s interest. She engaged him with some softball questions about his family but there he became evasive with his answers. She had just finished her 3rd cup of coffee and purposely looked at the time, excusing herself for a job interview. They exchanged pleasantries and agreed to another coffee the next morning.

Hailey walked away with her gut telling her that while there was something off with the guy she wanted more information about his daughter. She’d have to find a way to get it from him.

She’d been late to work 3 days in a row. Not substantially late but enough that Jay would have noticed despite her preemptive texts. _Long line for coffee. Be there asap! Hitting every single red light this morning. Groan._ And now todays _Overslept. Be in soon._ If he’d been uncertain if any of the texts had been questionable the last one cinched it for him. Hailey enjoyed her sleep she’d told him, when she could get it, but oversleeping was something that wasn’t in her vocabulary. In the 3 years that he’d known her he could maybe count on one hand how often she’d come in to work late and that included these past 3 days.

He felt his chest rising and falling a bit quicker as his anger started to brew. She was doing something and not telling him about it which meant she probably shouldn’t have been doing it, and what’s more, if she was keeping it from him then she _knew_ she probably shouldn’t be doing it. He knew her too well.

The past days she’d been late she came in through the garage and then up the back stairs. He texted her back: _No problem, all quiet so far._ _Meet in tech room when you get in._

She arrived 20 minutes later and walked in a bit out of breath.

“Sorry, what’s up?” she asked, a bit breathless.

Jay stood and walked to just behind her and closed the door. He was all business. “Pretty sure I should be asking you that. What’s going on Hailey?”

She went for a confused smile and squint. “Jay, I was _late_. I didn’t know it would be such a b--“

Jay interrupted. “Don’t do that.”

Her smile disappeared instantly.

“Don’t play me like I’m stupid.” He was purposely vague, hoping she’d fill in some of the pieces. “We both know you’re working something.”

Hailey felt cornered, knew she’d already probably run the length of Jay’s patience in feeling like she was being dishonest with him. He could tolerate a lot in people but dishonesty wasn’t one of them. Telling herself she wasn’t lying to him was becoming more and more difficult. She knew he suspected but wasn’t saying anything, must not have been sure. For him to question her now and in this way told her he must have seen something in her. It was too difficult to lie to him.

She clenched her jaw. “What do you want to know?” She gave a casual, one shouldered shrug, making a last ditch effort to play this exchange off as not a big deal.

He wasn’t going to move. “Everything. But let’s start with what you’re doing before work.” He was dead serious as he leaned back against the desk and gripped the edges.

Hailey sighed as she sat down at the other desk, debating how much if any she could share. She decided to see if she could skirt around the topic, hopefully get an out.

“Jay,” she began. “Really, it’s not much. It’s just an angle I’m chasing on the Cuellar case. Nothing concrete has panned out yet but I’ll let you know if it does.”

His response was immediate. “No.”

She was taken aback. “No? What do you mean ‘no’? You asked a question and I answered it.”

“Is that what you did? Because I disagree. I know you Hailey, and you’re hiding something. I’m guessing you know it’s something you shouldn’t be working on or you wouldn’t have a problem talking about it.” His eyes narrowed. “We’re supposed to be partners. How can I have your back if I don’t know what’s going on?” Playing a bit of the partner card was stepping pretty low but having been where he feared she was going, he’d play it without regret.

Hailey sucked in a breath. “Jay,” she admonished, harshly. “That’s not fair.”

Jay was frustrated. “Fuck fair, Hailey. I don’t know what you’re doing but if it’s something…. something that can get you hurt or in trouble with Voight or….if you can’t tell me what it is, then walk away from it. It’s not worth doing.”

He saw Hailey’s transition to anger play out on her face.

“Okay, _partner_ , let me ask you this. All those times you worked your own agenda, the times I asked you, begged you to walk away, how’d that work out? Did you listen or did you follow your gut?”

“Exactly my point!” Jay’s reply came out in rapid-fire. “I _didn’t_ listen to you then but I wish I had. I don’t want you to be in that place where you have to wish for things to be different, to look back and see the exact moment you know you should have said something different, done something different---or didn’t do something at all.” His voice softened a bit as he walked toward her and sat on the corner of the desk she was at. “We’ve come too far for that now, haven’t we?”

Hailey’s anger lessened considerably at his last question. 

A loud rap at the door startled them both as it swung open. “Hey, are you guys working today?” Kevin asked. “We just got called in—dead bodies in Rogers Park.”

Jay looked back to his partner, his eyes far softer than they’d been a few moments ago, and nodded. “We’re gonna finish this.”

“Later.” Hailey agreed.

Hailey had managed to avoid being alone with Jay too much throughout the day, something she never thought she’d be happy to do. She buried herself in the details of the day; the canvas, the interviews, going over and over notes both hers and everyone elses. By the time she climbed out of Jay’s truck back at the District she was truly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, from working the crime scene and desperately trying to compartmentalize the grisly images of the dead bodies in the park and from doing whatever she could to not think about Cameron. She murmured a tired “Night Jay” as she walked toward her car.

He sat quietly as she left the truck. He could let her go, he knew. She was an adult. But she just seemed so very…off. Lately and more importantly right now. He sighed as he made his decision.

She had just pointed her fob at the car, ready to unlock it, when she felt a hand at her elbow.

She turned quickly, calming as she saw her partner. “Jesus, Jay!”

“I was saying your name,” he told her. “Hailey, you look exhausted. I’m gonna drive you home.” He nodded back toward his truck.

The thought of leaning back and closing her eyes within the next three minutes sounded so tempting but she could manage and told him so. She blinked at him and smiled. “I’m good.” She pointed at the car in front of her and pushed the unlock button on her fob. She frowned at the lack of the clicking unlock sound, the lack of illumination from the headlights.

“Yeah, that’s not your car.” Jay took her hand and guided her gently along with him back to his truck. She sighed, confused at her misjudgement, but went along with him willingly.

Once inside again she scratched absently at her forehead. “I’m sorry Jay. I’m just so tired.” She did what she’d thought of just a few moments ago, leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

He watched her beside him, trying to figure out his thoughts. He knew just a few things right now but they were all important. He knew Hailey threw herself even harder than normal into todays case. He knew she did it to avoid thinking about Cameron Balow and to avoid dealing with him. He knew she was hiding something. He knew that for someone who kept things close, emotions and otherwise, that she was both shutting down and obviously coming apart simultaneously. The only thing he wasn’t sure of was if he was the only one who could see it so clearly. He knew that he could help her if she’d let him. After all the ways she’d been there for him, without question and without fail, he knew he could be there for her. And he knew that he’d fight to do so.

She was roused by a soft warmth on her thigh and the whisper of her name, as a soft breath in her ear.

She blinked and murmured a low groan as she realized where she was. Jay was in the driver’s seat, hand on her leg and face close to hers. He smiled gently. “Hey there. I took the long way so you could sleep a little but we’re here.”

Hailey looked outside the window, still in a wakeful haze, and saw her house. “You brought me home?”

“Do you sleep somewhere else?” he quipped lightly.

Hailey’s brow furrowed in sleepy confusion. “No, but I..how..?”

“That’s an easy one, you’re exhausted.” He looked her as though that should be obvious. “No way you were getting behind the wheel tonight…which was a good call on my part because you were out as soon as you closed the door there and slept till I woke you up.” He smirked and pointed at her chin. “Looks like you drool in your sleep.”

She wiped at her mouth immediately but felt nothing. She swiped at him, making a face. “Not nice to tease tired people.”

Jay chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get you inside.”

After promising he’d lock up, Jay watched Hailey go upstairs and quickly wrote a note in the kitchen saying he’d pick her up in the morning. He was just putting the pen down when her phone on the counter beside him lit up. Instinctively his eyes went to the notification on the screen _LOVE NOATZ Can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning.—Tony_

His hand wrapped around the back of his neck and squeezed at the immediate tension there. What the hell?


	7. part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay questions Hailey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not mine.

Jay had sent a text to Hailey at the 30min pre-pickup mark. Now he sat outside of her house with the engine idling reviewing his thoughts from the night before, the ones that had kept him up for a long while last night.

The pop up from that dating app had thrown him but he recognized the name and logo from their case. Hailey wasn’t the online dating type from what he’d gathered so for her to be on it for personal reasons didn’t seem right. And for her to be meeting someone from it there would have had to be a good reason. As he watched her leave her home and lock up, he knew it wouldn’t be long till he got some answers to fill in the blanks.

She slid beside him and gratefully accepted the coffee he’d stopped to get. “Good morning sunshine,” Jay quipped from behind the lid of his own cup, taking a sip. “Sleep well?”

He put the coffee in the cup holder and the car in drive as they began their trip in to the 21st.

“Mostly, yeah.” Hailey replied with just a bit of hesitation. Flat out lying to her partner was something she was going to have to get better she warily realized. Because her skills with him right now were text book pathetic.

The sleep she’d gotten in the truck was the best she’d gotten of the night. Once home she dozed here and there but was mostly awake for the duration, her mind whirling with thoughts of Cuellar, and images of blood spattering toward her, feeling wetness on her face as a hole appeared in the chest of the man in front of her. “Thanks for this.” She took a sip of the coffee. “And for the ride last night.”

“Eh, I’ve gotten too used to you. Can’t have anything happen to you on my watch.”

“How very noble.” Hailey deadpanned, shooting him a grin as his eyes darted from the road to her and back again.

They drove in easy silence. They were nearing the district when Jay pulled the truck in to the parking lot of a strip mall.

“What are we doing?” Hailey was confused.

He pulled in to a space and turned the truck off. “We couldn’t talk yesterday, so we’re gonna do it now. Here.” He turned his body, sliding a knee up on the seat as he did.

The beginning of panic was creeping on to Hailey. “Jay. Come on,” she chuckled, trying to hide it, trying to keep her eyes from going too wide. “We should be getting in.”

“We will,” Jay reached for his coffee and drank. “As soon as we’re done.”

He had her. He knew she’d talk if for no other reason than to get in to work. And there wouldn’t be any distractions as they sat here.

Hailey took a deep breath and blew it out. “This is a pretty shitty thing to do.” She muttered tightly.

“So’s lying to your partner.” He shot back, not backing down at the glare she was giving. “Listen, I just want to make sure you’re good. If you can’t give me details… _yet_ …at least give me a general gist.”

Hailey was pissed. She didn’t appreciate being coerced into talking about what she did before or after work hours—even if did have to do with work. She looked around the outside of the truck, down to the floor at her feet, all over as she went over in her head what she wanted to tell.

Finally she licked her bottom lick and sighed hard. This was something that wouldn’t go unforgotten.

When she spoke her words were clipped. “Cuellar. He was on that site so I went under as Kelly--doctored a profile to catch his attention. It worked. I’ve been meeting with him.” She glanced at the clock.”

Jay noticed. “What time are you meeting him?”

She was so incredibly tempted to play dumb, to at least make him work for it, but she didn’t have the time.

“9:30”

“C’mon Hailey, what has he given you?”

She sucked her teeth. “I told you. Not much.”

“Not much is different than nothing.”

She rolled her eyes as she huffed out a short breath. “His daughter. Karla. He wants me to meet her.”

Jay took it in and nodded a bit. “Okay, when we get back to the district we’ll loop in Voight and—“

Hailey turned toward him with wild eyes. “NO!” She made herself calm just a bit and swallowed before speaking again. “No…. Jay, I’ve got this. If anything comes of it I’ll loop him in. Loop in the team. But if it’s nothing then I’m burned with Hank. He’ll hand me my ass for nothing.”

Jay didn’t agree but he got her point. But still, the thought of her continuing to meet with this guy, meet with the daughter no one could find but everyone had a story about, didn’t sit well with him.

He was tight lipped as he thought, then nodded a bit as the idea came to him. “Okay. Then you take me in. I’ll be your ghost.”

She was shaking her head before he was done. “No. No, if…if I think anything is going to play out wrong then…I don’t know, I’ll handle it. And then I’ll leave it alone.” She put a hand on his thigh. “I promise Jay. If I feel like it’s going nowhere, I’ll walk away. If I think there’s something there but it’s going south, I’ll stop. I’ll let you know, let the team know.” She was solemn faced and calm voiced but even with that, Jay still had the feeling that she might still be playing him a little.

Knowing that was something, he figured, as he sighed. “Okay, Hailey. But you have to be careful. With this guy….with this girl. And you have to keep me informed. So I can help if needed.”

She was nodding while he spoke, agreeing to it all. “Not a problem. Count on it.” She glanced at the clock on the dashboard again. “Now can we get to work?


	8. part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey's plan moves forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mine.

The truck had barely come to a stop when Hailey hopped out of it and made her way in to the district. Jay trailed behind making no effort to catch up. He knew her current mood and how he played in to it.

It was a paperwork morning in the bullpen and no one was particularly happy about it. There were periodic groans and sighs from the people at their desks, chairs creaking as each member shifted trying to alleviate the stiffness that came with just sitting and typing and writing.

For her part, Hailey sailed through her paperwork quietly, the only distraction being her periodic glances at the clock either on her desktop or phone.

Jay noticed and also kept track of the time. If she was meeting this guy at 9:30 she’d be leaving soon. And after that so would he.

Sure enough at 9:04 Hailey stood and neatened her desk, purposely not making eye contact with her partner across the way, and headed for the locker room. Jay pushed his own chair back, grabbed the jacket from the floor under his desk, and went down to his truck. He’d been sitting in it for just a few minutes when he saw her exit the building and head to her own car.

He followed, sure his tail was clean, and parked across the street when she pulled in to a diner. He had a long but clear view of the window booths and waited to see if she joined the only man sitting alone in one of them. His eyebrow lifted as she did.

There was nothing to be seen or heard so Jay moved his truck a half a block away and walked back to wait near Hailey’s car. He watched as they walked outside and hugged, saying their goodbyes. Internally Jay winced at the display of affection. He tensed as the man’s hands slid to Hailey’s waist even though she’d dropped her arms and taken a small step back. _Easy there asshole,_ Jay found himself thinking. He had no concerns that Hailey couldn’t take care of herself, he just didn’t like what the guy was doing or who he was doing it to, undercover or not.

Finally the guy stepped away and headed to his car. Jay waited a moment for Hailey to get close to her own car before bending down in front of it to fake tying a shoe. He stayed low as she passed by but asked, “How are their omlettes? I could totally go for an omlette.”

Hailey froze at the sound and closed her eyes with a grimace. “Where are you?” she hissed, moving again but not looking around.

“Your 3 o’clock.”

She unlocked her car and got in, followed a few seconds later by Jay.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she questioned harshly.

“What’d you get?”

“Coffee” she retorted, purposely not answering the question she knew he meant.

“Hailey—“ he began but trailed off.

She sighed, putting an elbow against the window and a fist propped against her head. “I’m meeting them later.”

“You said ‘them’--the daughter too?”

“Yeah---the daughter too.”

He waited a moment before asking his question cautiously. “You’re gonna loop in Voight now, right?”

Hailey bit her lip as she thought it over. She could, she knew. She should. But there was something in her that just wanted to go this alone, to feel like _she_ had done something about the murdered women. It would give her a feeling of purpose or maybe control. She couldn’t exactly name it but she knew she was so close to it, to being able to feel it, that just the thought of getting it gave her a buzz throughout her body. And she wanted the full dose of it.

She took in a breath and blew it out through pursed lips and forced herself to sell the lie. “Yeah.” She spoke dejectedly. “Yeah, I will.” She nodded a bit.

Jay hadn’t expected her to agree to loop in their boss to what she’d been up to, to what she’d set up. It wouldn’t be an easy conversation for her to admit what she’d been doing, to deal with the fallout regardless of what it got them,

He was cautious with his reply. “Yeah? Can’t say I’m not surprised but—I’m glad to hear it.”

She swung her head to him, her ponytail bouncing as she did. It looked like she was about to speak then thought better of it and instead gave him a small smile. When she did speak it was just to say, “Better get back.”

Hailey drove him to his car and then they both headed back to their district.

She got lucky in that Voight was out of the office when they arrived with no clear time of being back. She joined the team in their pre debrief on what leads they’d gotten working their angle. Hailey could feel Jay’s eyes on her so avoided looking at him. IF she was ever going to loop anyone in it would be Voight first and the team right afterward. Besides, neither of them had anything solid so she didn’t feel as though she was holding out on anyone.

She worked with them pulling files, making phone calls, and scrolling through POD footage. She worked hard and long, constantly reminding herself to focus on her lie to Jay. It was so hard to do and required all of her emotional willpower. He knew her just too well, if that was a reality. Knew her tells, her body language…her eyes. So she withdrew those from him whenever she could.

She didn’t want to lie to her partner. She just wanted to get this as far as she could on her own. If she needed help she knew she’d ask for it. She’d have to deal with her team and her boss—with Jay—when they realized how she’d been working on her own, effectively excluding them from her information. She justified it all by reminding herself that as of now, she still really had nothing.

Throughout the day she’d felt Jay’s presence. Either it was his eyes, or him physically close to her. Under normal circumstances she enjoyed those things but today they were a hindrance, a distraction. Another lie she was compelled to deal with in that either she’d pretend she didn’t notice them, ignore them, or pretend that all was well and smile at him periodically, silently telling him that yes, all is good. Being purposely dishonest with him was exhausting in its own right and she was glad to see the time getting closer to when she’d be leaving. She gave herself a window instead of a specific time to leave, banking on Jay leaving her alone at some point.

That point came in the unknowing form of Trudy Platt who appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Hey Kevin,“ she greeted warmly, reaching out to feel his shoulder as she passed him slowly. ”You working out?”

Atwater was caught of guard and murmured a low and awkward, “Uh yeah, some. Thanks, Sarge.” He looked ahead to Ruzek, Trudy’s next stop.

“And what about you big guy? What are you doing to get so strong?”

Adam’s ego was easily stroked and he was about to go into his newest work-out regimen when he heard Atwater’s purposeful cough and caught his headshake. Platt was now walking up to Jay's desk. Before she could try for his ego Jay spoke with a slight smirk on his face and put up a hand. “No need. What can we help you with Sarge?”

“Ahh,” Trudy smiled. “A detective that exercises his brain, this unit is lucky to have you Halstead.” She shot a look at Kevin and Adam who looked as though they knew they’d been insulted but weren’t quite sure how. “We have some stolen property, already been inventoried so _relax_ that’s not what I need you for. But the truck is getting ready to pull in and the guys I usually use are hemming and hawing about their backs, and doctor notes, and it’s ‘not their job’ blah, blah, blah….”

“So you just need us to help you load a truck?” Kevin asked.

Trudy feigned delighted surprise as she looked to him and tapped her head with a finger then back at him. “Cracked that code did you? You keep that up, you’ll make detective in no time.”

Adam tried to suppress his laughter while Keven shot him a look.

Jay stood up as both Kevin and Adam did the same. “Yeah, I could use a stretch break.” Jay agreed.

“Let’s get this done.” Kevin said, pulling his jacket and looking to Ruzek. “What are you thinking the heaviest box is gonna be…?” The unspoken taunting of a bet loomed.

Adam grimaced a bit. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Kev. If it’s too heavy for you, pass it to me. I got it,” They bantered as they went down the stairs to the lobby.

“Oh, this is gonna be fun,” Trudy announced to the room, smirking in excited anticipation.

“Hey.” Hailey grabbed Jay’s wrist as he passed her desk, surprising him. “If the coffee truck is out there, can you grab me one? I think I’ve reached my limit on…sludge.” She grinned, indicating the near empty mug on her desk.

“Yeah sure,” He agreed with his own smile. “No problem.”

With Trudy and the men now gone, Kim looked over to Hailey. “Normally I’d be annoyed that she assumed those guys were the strongest just cuz they’re guys. But…” She leaned back in her chair and put her feet up on her desk. “Right now, I’ll take the rest.”

Hailey chuckled and turned back to her computer. She put in a few more minutes tagging code words from gang references to their true meanings before leaning back.

“I’m gonna run out while it’s quiet. Need anything?” She scribbled on a post it note and placed it across her desk.

“Nope, all good.” Kim shrugged as she pulled her feet down and grabbed for another file.

Hailey grabbed her jacket. The truck would load from the interior of the garage and the coffee truck, if it was out there, would be parked on the lot side as well. Hailey went down the main stairs, signed out at the desk citing ‘personal’ as her reason, and exited the front doors. She turned the corner and quickly passed the opened bay doors of the garage, catching sight of the truck being loaded ,and made it to her car without incident.

She was a bit early so was startled at the notification on her UC phone changing their meeting place to a local biker bar. Hailey noted the change and plugged in the address to the GPS on her phone, following the directions to get there.

The truck had loaded and the guys were walking back in to the bullpen all with coffee. Adam placed a cup on Kim’s desk, exchanging smiles as he did so. Kevin sat at his desk and as Jay placed Hailey’s cup at hers, he noticed her absence as well as her jacket’s. The short hairs on the back of his neck stood as thoughts raced through his brain. “Hey, where’s Upton?” He kept his question casual.

The response that came surprised him in the form of a gravelly, deep voice. “No idea.” Voight had come up the main steps and was heading to his office. “But if she’s doing anything other than recovering from a dinner with a pain in the ass CI, then she’s doing better than I am.”

He disappeared into his office and Jay looked over to Kim who shrugged lightly.

“Said she was running out.”

Jay slowly sat at his desk, the yellow folded slip of paper sticky side down beside his phone catching his attention. He opened it slowly to see a hastily scrawled, “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

He refolded the note, continually rubbing his fingers across the crease as he thought about what he should do next.


	9. Part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey gets to finish the case but not without help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all belong to dick wolf.
> 
> Thanks to lylaaahh for letting me know this was originally in the wrong place. D'oh! :-)

Jay had spent too much time debating with himself whether to go to Voight. He didn’t know for sure that Hailey had gone to meet Cuellar again, to potentially meet the daughter. But at the same time, yeah, he knew. He also knew that every minute he spent thinking, was time that could be better spent in his truck on his way to where she was. Coming to his decision, he sighed heavily and made his way over to the Sergeant’s office.

Hank looked up. “What’s up Jay?”

Jay took a seat opposite his boss and scrubbed his face with a hand. He knew he was stalling and shouldn’t be, but the part of him that was loyal to his partner was having a hard time ratting her out. He swallowed hard.

“I’m pretty sure Hailey’s gone off book.” He managed. Jay found that he couldn’t look Hank directly in the eye.

“Pretty sure?” Hank questioned, straightening in his chair. “How sure is that?”

Jay’s mouth twitched a bit as he answered. “She’s been working her own angle on Cuellar. She thinks the daughter’s involved.

“The one we can’t find? You saying Hailey found her?”

;Jay bit the inside of his cheek then scratched at the stubble on his face. “Not exactly but…yeah.

“But she didn’t report it to the team.” Hank mused, not needing confirmation.

“No.” Jay answered after a pause.

“You know where she is right now?” Hank was irritated, and stood, walking around his desk and heading for the bullpen.

“Sarge…” Jay called, following him out.

“Kim, ping Upton’s phone and text us the location. Ruzek you ride with me.” Their boss was more gruff than normal and the unit knew that whatever had him going must be bad. “Everyone else, vest up. We don’t know what we’re going in to. Better to be prepared.”

“Sarge—“ Jay tried again. But he found that when Hank turned to him he didn’t know what to say. Hank turned back toward the stairs with Adam following. Hank turned back to Jay once more just before heading down the stairs. “You coming?”

Jay nodded slowly, pursing his lips as he grabbed his jacket and followed his team.

Hailey pulled in to the biker bar parking lot and walked around the outside of the old building, looking for Tony. His latest message said he’d be waiting outside. She ignored the looks of the men gathered outside on the front deck as they drank and smoked. As she turned the corner and made her way down the side of the building she heard her name called softly from a doorway up ahead.

Shit, she thought. Then, c’mon Upton, you’ve come this far. Take it all the way.

The nervous, cautious smile she flashed at the man in the doorway wasn’t fake as she approached him.

"Hey baby,” Tony greeted her way more affectionately both with his words and his hands than he ever had. The Hailey part of her brain was disgusted; Kelly had barely known him a work-week. But she faked the smile and allowed his kiss. His hands traveling down to her ass as his mouth covered hers was enough for her to break away from him.

“Well that’s quite a greeting.” She smiled and gently wiped at her mouth discretely.

“I’m excited,” he told her knowingly.

Her eyebrows went up. Yeah, she could tell. “What is this Tony? Why are we here?” she looked around.

“My brother in law’s place.” He took her hand and guided her inside. Brother in law? The wife was dead and neither she nor her team had looked past that fact, she realized.

He guided her down a raw stoned hallway to a relatively run down office. Desk, old computer, couch, and a door to what she assumed was a bathroom. There were a few spots on the dingy carpet that she thought may have been blood but they weren’t fresh enough to know for sure.

“Hey, Karlita, come meet Kelly!”

Hailey looked all around the office reeling with the new information that the daughter was somewhere around. The other door opened and a tall, lanky teenaged girl with a soured, dull expression came out.

She noted the increased affection Tony was bestowing on her; the arm newly wrapped around her shoulders, hand rubbing up and down, and the hand that now took her chin and held it firmly, fingers digging in to her skin as he kissed her roughly, nearly viciously. It caused Hailey to break away, hand going to her chin feeling for where she was certain a few bruises from his fingers would appear.

“Tony…!” she exclaimed, pretending to be embarrassed in front of their company.

Her grinned salaciously.“I’m gonna leave you two alone for a while, let you get to know each other.”

The teenager smirked as Hailey kept her panic level to a minimum, trying to bank the adrenaline that was now flowing through her to her advantage, instead of against her. She just had to stay aware of it.

Tony was already gone leaving them alone in this basement office where the roar of motorcycles from the front could barely be heard.

“So you’re my dad’s new….” The question was sardonic and hung in the air.

Friend.” Hailey finished. “We really only just met a few days ago.” She tried to explain, the read that she was getting from the girl was that she was dangerous.

Karla paced slowly in front of her, studying her with a scowl. “You always whore yourself out to men you barely know?”

Hailey bit her tongue and blinked a few times. “That’s quite a stretch but yeah, your dad’s a nice guy.”

She stopped pacing and stood in front of Hailey with a near sneer on her face. “You gonna marry him?

“What?!” Hailey laughed. “No! no,no,no, we’re just getting to know each other…just met, remember?”

“No,” the girl snapped. “He wants to, I can tell. Talks about you all the fuckin’ time.”

Hailey’s eyes opened wide at the aggression now open on the girl’s face. She shook her head slowly. “Not what I’m looking for.”

“You all come around, thinking he’s gonna take care of you…” she crooned sarcastically. “Well he’s not. _I_ take care of _him_. He doesn’t need you.” She walked to the couch and casually reached for something that lay across the top. A crowbar, Hailey realized.

“Wh-why do you have that?” she asked.

“This?” Karla gently stroked a hand down the long piece of metal. “This is step one.” She stepped forward and instinctively Hailey stepped backward. “This will stop him from asking about you, talking about you. This’ll make sure he doesn’t think about you at all.”

Hailey found herself backed up against the door. She reached to the side for the doorknob and turned it, only to realize it had been locked. <em>From the outside?

“Listen, you don’t need that, okay? I can see that it’s not gonna work out between me and your dad, no problem. I’m good to let it go.”

“ _Liar_ ,” Karla snarled and swung the metal bar toward Hailey.

Hailey ducked and moved forward fast, pushing the girl down. She tried to grab for the crowbar but Karla was strong, fast, and a street fighter.

She held it tight and elbowed Hailey hard in the ribs.

Everyone’s phone had received the text of Hailey’s current location before they left the district. Seeing it in print on his screen made it all real for Jay. She really was making her move. Alone.

He was alone in his truck as they all caravanned to the address. Jay barely saw the other cars on the road and before he could process how he was already there, they were all rolling into the biker bar parking lot.

“Fan out and find Upton. Keep it low and quiet, we don’t want to spook whoever she’s with.” Voight spoke into his phone, his directions going out to the team.

Everyone was out of their cars and heading off in different directions, in the bar, around the side, around the back. Kim’s voice was the next one heard over the phone.

“I have Hailey’s uc car. Hood’s not cold, I’d say she’s got 15-20 minutes on us.”

Ruzek and Atwater looked at each other. “A lot can happen in 20 minutes.” Kevin remarked conspiratorially as they walked.

“Don’t I know it.” Adam responded quickly. They reached the back of the building. “I’m gonna check out the back dumpsters, you go around the other side.”

“We’re empty inside. Jay is grabbing up the manager.” Voight’s voice came over their phones again.

Kevin nodded and moved forward. “Copy that Sarge. Ruzek’s heading toward the dumpsters and I got the east side of the building looking for a way in.”

“Copy that”

Kevin came upon the side doorway that Hailey had entered through earlier. He found himself in a tunnel of a hallway, the cool air from the rock walls smelled somewhat musty as he made his way forward in the dim light.

“Sarge, I’m under the building, some kind of basement or sub basement,” Kevin’s quiet voice came over everyone’s phones.

Ahead he thought he heard a muffled sound. He moved forward again, staying low and quiet, gun drawn and held tight and straight in front of him. A door up on the right and Kevin stopped, a quick ear to the door. Gently he tried the doorknob and found it turned easily.

He spun the knob fast and pushed his way in announcing his office as he did. The man inside whirled from his position, his hands up in surrender.

“I got Cuellar, east side entrance basement, 3rd door on the right. You guys, get down here fast.”

The rest of the team joined Kevin fast and a unit from patrol rolled in to put Cuellar in the backseat of their car until Voight gave the go ahead for them to leave.

“What the hell is all this?” Jay asked quietly as he and the team looked at the many, many screens and monitors around the room.

“Were any of them on when you came in?” Kim questioned.

Atwater shook his head, “No. No, I don’t think so..”

Kim squinted a bit and raised a hand to the base of the monitor in front of her. Slowly she moved down the line of them until she stopped and looked to Jay. “This one’s warm.” She pushed the power button, while Adam tried the keyboard on the desk. A grainy image appeared and they all stood transfixed. Jay was the first one out the door.

The others watched the images of two women fighting, both bloodied, transfixed for just a few more seconds. Something metal hit an abdomen, punches were being thrown.

“Where is this?” Kevin wondered out loud.

“Is this live?” Ruzek followed up.

“I’m with Jay,” was Kim’s answer as she too flew out the door, trying to track which way he’d gone.

Jay was looking for doorways, empty rooms, anything that could lead to where that fight was taking place.

“Jay!” Kim called ahead to the frenzied figure. “There was a window!”

He stopped immediately and turned back to her and nodded. “I’ll take the east side—“

"I got the west.”

They split up again, each looking for a room that could have had an exterior wall.

Jay ran back down the narrow hallway, opening doors as he found them, until he came to one that didn’t open freely. Heavy breathing was coming down the hall as Kim sprinted toward him.

She shook her head, “nothing.”

He nodded at the door. “Locked.”

Kim nodded in return. “Take it down.”

Jay took a breath and forcefully planted his foot just south of the doorknob and announced their office as he and Kim busted in with guns drawn.

What they saw was a bloodied teenager laying facedown with a bloodied detective with a knee to her back, holding her hands behind her.

“Cuffs!?” Hailey yelled.

Jay threw her his, and Hailey roughly cuffed the girl and hoisted her to her feet. “Weapon,” she nodded toward the crow bar on the floor for Jay to kick away.

“We got Upton,” Kim spoke in to her phone. “Karla Cuellar too.”

Kim stepped forward. “I got her.” She spoke softly as she eyed Hailey. “You good?”

Hailey nodded, slightly out of breath but didn’t say anything.

Kim took her at her word and called for an ambulance as she walked the girl out the door, arranging to meet the team back out at the front.

Hailey was amped up on adrenaline and was trying to control her breathing and heartrate. She wiped at the blood seeping from a cut above her eyebrow before putting her hands to her knees, bending over a bit.

Hey! Hey.” Jay was immediately in front of her, hands on her upper arms. “You okay? You good?” His eyes were on her, worried, as they met hers, hers that wouldn’t focus on his for more than a second or two before looking away. “Hailey?”

She took the deepest breath she could and straightened up. Any pain she knew she should be feeling was masked by the adrenaline. “I’m fine.” She breathed quietly and walked out to where she knew the team would be waiting


	10. part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're going to have to talk soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the kind comments and kudos. They're all greatly appreciated!!

Going ‘off book’ had a name because it was a reality in their profession. A frowned upon one but still one that happened frequently enough that a term had been applied to the action. So within the team it wasn’t a huge shock that it had been done; what had been was that it was Hailey who had done it. She’d always been so very logical, wholly ethical, and by the book. It was their reality and in truth, while it had been surprising, it had worked out. They had the video footage of Karla Cuellar boasting of the kills, trying to keep women away from her father; they had her and her father in custody, and Hailey would walk away banged up but ultimately unscathed.

She’d been still slightly stunned as she sat in the back of the ambulance getting checked out, but she was with it to enough to understand the briefing by an irate Voight on the conversation they’d be having at a sooner rather than later date and time. Kim, Ruzek and Kevin checked it with her individually, offering support.

And then there was Jay. He’d stayed close by both during her initial eval by the paramedics on site, and again at the hospital when they transported her for stitches and x-rays. After she’d been observed, her forehead and cheek stitched, and the x-rays showed a cracked rib, she was prepped for release.

Hailey crossed the room after having just changed, slowly and painfully, in to her own clothes when she saw him through the doorway, talking to his brother down the hall.

He’d left to take and make calls.and update the team on her impending release., Before that he’d sat beside her in a chair pulled up to her bedside for quiet company. She’d told him repeatedly that he didn’t have to stay, but it felt right to have him with her even if they both knew they were simply biding time until they had a discussion about the day’s events and Hailey’s actions.

Now she watched them for a moment, noting Jay seeming upset while his brother remained calm. The guilt she felt over lying to him overwhelmed the guilt she felt about keeping information from her team. She tried for a sigh and winced as the motion aggravated her ribs.

She was too weighted down by the events of the day, the consistent waiting for the so-far-not-coming flood of relief to wash over her now that the case was closed, and the soreness from so many places all over her body, that she’d purposely pushed the thoughts of what she’d done to her partnership with Jay down deep. Thinking about it and the effect it may have taken was too much for her to work through right now. She leaned against the bed, arms locked as she braced herself against the thin mattress, and took a moment to try and breathe without the sharp pain she caught with any kind of deep inhalation.

“This is definitely how we like our visits with you guys, short and sweet. And with you walking out on your own two feet of course.” Dr. Charles chuckled “Okay to come in?”

At her nod and huffed smile, he walked over to take a seat at the edge of the bed. 

She straightened a bit, hoping she hid her surprise by his visit. “Yeah, we kinda like that part too.”

The doctor readjusted his position. “So I’ve heard you’ve been having a rough go of it lately.”

“Today was tough,” she admitted easily. The deepening bruises on her face and arms an obvious testament to that fact. “Part of the job and all that.” She smiled a bit at him, showing him that despite the stitches and mottled coloring of her skin, all was good.

“Well sure, most people’s workdays don’t involve a trip to the emergency department---thank goodness,” he added, lightly with a smile. “I was talking more about the recent death of one of your informants.”

The smile dropped from her face as she nodded once and bit her bottom lip. “I guess it’s been a bad week,” she agreed.

He tilted his head as he read her. “I know you see a lot Hailey, but I don’t think someone you know dying, much less in a violent manner and right in front of you, fits that assessment. Then factor in today’s visit here and that’s a _very_ tough few days.” He waved a hand in a mild flourish.

Hailey scoffed lightly and blew out a controlled breath. She closed her eyes and lifted her brow a bit as a smirk flitted across her face. There it was. Someone had obviously spoken to him, asked him to check in with her. She tried, as she had for days now, to distance herself from the event. “He was a CI I’d had on paper for a few years. He was a nice guy.” She nodded. Personalizing his memory in such a minimizing way hurt differently than if she’d brought up her full scope of memories-- but it still hurt.

Dr. Charles watched her as she near expertly gave him a piece of information without really giving him much at all. She was a tough girl, this detective. He’d always liked her and had been immediately ready to help when her boss asked him to check in with her and give him any feedback.

He smiled a bit at her response and breathed out through his nose. “You know, talking things out really can be quite helpful. I wouldn’t have a job if it wasn’t true.” He quipped with a charming smile.

Hailey returned the smile with a knowing one. “Yeah, I’ve been in therapy before. A lot of it. It helped.” She nodded. “If I need someone, I’ll let you know. But for right now…” Her lips twitched. “For right now I’ve got it.” She assured him. “But thank you.”

She’d said it off-handedly but Daniel caught the embedded information. A lot of therapy wasn’t for just anything and he doubted she was the type to exaggerate. But he wasn’t surprised at her unwillingness to reach out; from what he understood it wasn’t in her nature.

She stood a bit straighter again, cradling her ribcage tenderly as her body language tried to scream that she was okay. She was about to tell him so when Jay walked in. “Hailey? " He stopped short as his gaze went from her to the doctor sitting on her bed. “Oh, hey doc.”

“Jay, good to see you.” Daniel stood and put a hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “Y’know there’s no cap; talking to someone in the past, even if it was ‘a lot’, doesn’t mean you can’t talk to someone again. If you need anything...” His tone and demeanor were so kind that Hailey found herself nodding in response.

Hailey’s eyes flickered to her partner as he walked over to them

She looked the doctor in the eye now and tilted her head. “I’ll keep it in mind. Promise.”

He nodded and left the two.

Hailey noted the tension in Jay’s face. “You okay?”

“Mm Hm, yeah. You ready?”

She paused, looking at him before answering softly. “Yeah.” But she didn’t move, her feet forward or her eyes off him.

He smirked a bit. “I’m _fine_ ,” he assured her. “Besides I should be the one asking you that. C’mon.”

She walked beside him for the slow walk out of the hospital and out front to his truck. “Everything okay back there?” He asked as they walked out the front doors. She knew he meant with Dr. Charles.

“Yeah,” she assured him with a quiet smile. “He was just checking in.”

It was quiet as they got to the truck. He opened the passenger side door for her and closed it after she was in. Now he sat beside her but hadn’t yet started the engine. “Y’know I heard what he said about talking to someone.” His hands were on the steering wheel but he turned his head to look at her. “You know you’ve got me for that too, right?”

She swallowed at the intensity of his look. She wanted to confirm with him that she hadn’t screwed everything up with him, his trust, everything she valued in her partnership with him. But instead of asking for it she pretended she just knew and smiled. “I do.” She had to look away, out the window, before he saw her composure falter.

She’d been adamant that they head back to the district. With the light duty order she’d been given at the hospital she was pretty sure the first few days would be spent at home, and she had a few things to take care of first. She knew she owed the team an apology and an explanation, and she knew Voight would want to talk to her. If she could she preferred to get it all over and done with as soon as possible. And then she’d talk to Jay.

Her eyes had closed during the ride but the truck dipping in to a pot hole jarred her, causing her eyes to open and a hiss she couldn’t keep in.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Jay grimaced. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Mmmm, fine.” She paused briefly, deciding to try and stay alert rather than doze. “So...what were you and Will talking about?” She continued at his side glance of confusion. “I saw you talking to him in the hallway. You looked upset.”

“Oh,” He pushed his foot against the gas pedal, hit his blinker and turned the truck down a side street. “Yeah, it was nothing. Just how we are. Or really, more like how Will is.”

He thought back to their talk, the one he hadn’t known Hailey had been an audience for.

“Hey, you know we have these things you can sit _on_ so you _don’t_ have to sit down there.” Will had grinned, finding him slouched against the wall, on the floor about 30 feet from Hailey’s room. When he only got a quarter smirk in response he toed at Jay’s knee hard with his shoe.

The detective was absently turning his phone around and around in his hands. “Hey, she’s gonna be okay, right?” It was one thing to hear it from a doctor and another to hear it from his brother.

Will Halstead smirked a bit and joined his brother on the floor. “She looks pretty beat up, I’ll give you that, but she’s tough. That rib’s not gonna be any fun for a little while but it’ll heal--- the stitches will dissolve and the bruises will fade. She’ll be sore, but she got very lucky.” He looked at his brother and saw his worry. “She’s going to be okay.” He tapped his knee in reassurance. 

Jay nodded, now fully accepting that his partner would be fine. He breathed out what felt like his first good breath in a while. He allowed himself to give Will a very small smile in gratitude. 

Will glanced back down the hall, chuckling. “She’s still crazy hot.”

Jay’s head snapped to the side, eyes wide at his brother.

“What? I have eyes.” He teased. He thumbed down toward her room. “Anything going on there? Like, are you….” Will loved purposely giving Jay a hard time especially about his personal life. He could be caring but mostly he enjoyed watching his normally relatively stoic brother squirm just a little bit. Plus, he knew Jay harbored some not so platonic feelings toward the woman down the hall. He just hadn't come to turns with them yet.

“What—with Hailey?” Jay stammered, before shaking his head in the negative. “No! No…she’s my _partner_.” He said it as though it should be an obvious explanation.

“ _Mm hmmm_ ,” Will nodded.

Jay gave an exasperated eye roll and mild groan, his buttons easily pushed. He patted his pockets briefly. “I don’t seem to have my Will-to-English dictionary with me today. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Will scratched at his cheek. “Nothing. Just y’know, Lindsey was your partner, Adam and Kim were partners…”

Jay stood up. “And look how those all turned out.” He sighed. “No Will, there’s nothing ‘going on’ with Hailey. She’s just…she’s my partner…”

Will stood too, rolling his own eyes in return.

“And my friend.” Jay finished, rubbing a hand behind his neck. “I don’t know, it’s different with her, man.” Jay spoke quietly as he backed up against the wall. “What we have is good. It’s good and it’s solid, and…and I don’t want to mess that up.”

Will had a definite soft spot for his brother and his happiness. “You know I’m in no position to give advice—“

“Well thank god for that,” Jay retorted. “Cuz you suck at it and I’m not interested anyway.”

Will continued with purpose as also leaned against the wall. “ _BUT_ , you said it’s different with her and I think that’s important, Jay.”.

“Yeah” Jay humored him with his fast and quiet response, almost as if he wasn’t paying attention as he checked for any notifications on his phone.

“Hey, if you don’t have…’feelings’ or whatever for her that’s fine… but if you do? I don’t know--- if you do….” He sighed. “I just don’t want you to end up alone—not if you could have something good.”Will huffed out a breath and smiled. “Eh, told you I’m no good at this.”

Jay’s chin came up from his chest, speaking while trying to keep his voice quiet. “You’re really not, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Will. Do I care about her? Yeah, of course, she’s great…she’s--.”

“She’s your partner, got it.” Will nodded. “Sure, yeah. Okay, you’re right.” He condescended, getting an idea fit for the type of sibling he was.

Jay’s anger sparked at that. “Don’t do that, Will.”

“Don’t do what?” He played innocent and shrugged. “I hear you, there’s nothing there but regular professionalism and respect. I get it.”

Jay eyed him suspiciously.

“So, you’d be good if I asked her out.” He asked matter-of-factly in the face of Jay’s shocked surprise. “I mean once she’s discharged. When I’m no longer her doctor.”

Jay shook his head in confusion at both Will’s question and the expectant look he wore. “Why would you do that?”

“Why would I do that?” Will repeated, laughing. “Uhhh, let’s see...” He began ticking items off using his fingers as he went. “Gorgeous, smart, funny, totally badass…” He trailed off at Jay’s look, then looked down the hall before looking back at Jay. “Seriously, you think she’d go for it? I mean, it shouldn’t be weird for you right? She’s only your partner—" The doctor grinned at his brother, proud of himself for screwing with him so well.

“You really can be such a dick,” Jay seethed quietly. He’d been thrown for a second but knew Will wasn’t interested in Hailey. Will was just being an ass and trying to make a point, but in that second he was reminded about the thoughts he’d had about Hailey for a while now; the near constant desire to be near her, the feelings that sometimes kept him up at night, the time lost to him as he alternated between trying rationalize the feelings and talking himself out of them, and more recently the worry he had about her especially over the past week.

Will grinned directly at his brother to which Jay groaned and rolled his eyes. “Y’know what? You suck.” He told him pointedly as he pushed off the wall.

He continued to grin as Jay turned his back and began to walk down the hall back to Hailey. “Hey!” he called out reverting back to doctor mode. When Jay stilled and looked back over his shoulder he told him, “Call if you need anything—or if she does. And take care of her, ‘just partner’ or not, she’s gonna be sore.”

Jay nodded and continued walking. He’d be there for her.


	11. chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at these lol sorry!

She’d apologized to Adam, Kim, and Kevin. They continued to offer their support and she felt her standing with them was secure. Voight, on the other hand, had been beyond angry. She’d sat in his office and taken his tirade about the unit and teamwork, physical and mental health, and personal responsibility for the better part of thirty minutes. She accepted full responsibility for her actions and gave him the respect both he and his anger deserved throughout the whole thing.

When he was done he’d detailed her to two weeks of desk duty, which was really pretty generous considering it would be in conjunction with her medical directive to be light duty for a week. To be tied to the district, her desk, for that length of time was a consequence she believed Voight knew would nearly kill her. An appropriate consequence indeed.

She was just getting up from the chair when he said her name. “Hailey?”

She looked up at him, saw his face soften a bit as he began to speak.

“I know you were close to Cameron. And I’m sorry that everything went down the way it did. I just wanted you to know that.”

She was completely taken aback. “Sarge, thank you but—“

Voight’s hand went up to stop her. “Listen, everyone works their CIs their own way—your way is to, I don’t know, get involved with them, know them…That works for you, for them, so be it but Hailey---you see what can happen.” He shook his head and crossed his arms. “CIs—they’re criminal informants.” He reminded her. “ _Criminal_. They’re not offering tips, helping police out of the kindness of their hearts. These things have always happened. And they’re not gonna stop any time soon.”

Hailey bit her lip and slowly came to nod. She got it. She really did. She offered up a small smile to him to which he responded with a grunt before walking back behind his desk.

She was at the door when he spoke once more.

“And Hailey? I want you home tomorrow. Rest up. It’ll go toward your light duty. When you’re back you’re riding your desk, ” He reminded her. “Writing warrants, sending out BOLOS..”

She snorted. “All the fun stuff. I got it.”

She closed the door behind her. Jay sat at his desk, stopping what he was doing as Hailey stood beside him.

“Hey. Can we talk?” Her eyes were clear and incredibly blue as she looked down at him.

“Uhhh, yeah. Sure.” Jay put down his pen and pushed his chair back.

Kevin walked in to the bullpen and called over to them. “Homicide’s requesting extra help with show of force. You up, Jay?”

He looked to his partner, apologetic. “Sure thing.” He began reaching for his jacket, turning back to Hailey. “Catch up when I’m back?”

She smiled. “Yeah, go.”

About an hour later Jay and Kevin marched tiredly back up the steps. Kevin sat heavily in his seat and let out a loud sigh. “Is it just me or are the days getting longer?”

Jay chuckled as he approached his desk.

“Or maybe it’s those damn steps. Platt’s adding extra ones, isn’t she. Making that staircase extra long.” He muttered.

“Maybe you’re just getting old.” Jay joked.

“No doubt.” Kevin replied, sighing again as he rolled his chair closer to his desk.

Jay was still chuckling as he saw the yellow post it note on his computer screen. He pulled it off gently and read the familiar writing. _Kim’s dropping me home. Call me? --H_

He held the note in his hand and bounced it against his thigh a few times, thinking. “How long you staying?” he nodded, asking Kevin.

“Ahh, I’m gonna catch up on a few things here before calling it. You?”

Jay was still thinking of his options— stay and work, a drink at Molly’s, head home and call Hailey, call Hailey on the way to Molly’s…

Kevin looked up from the work he’d already started and smirked. “Hey. Go.”

Jay focused on him. “Hm?”

“Go see Upton, check in, you know you want to.”

His brow furrowed as he began to explain. “Kev, you know there’s nothing—“

Kevin chuckled, putting his head down and getting back to work. “I know you say that. All.the.time.” he said with a lilt. “But just cuz you say it don’t make it true.”

“Kev,” Jay appealed, arms outstretched. “You know what I’m saying.”

“Oh I do. I just don’t know that _you_ know. But it’s cool.”

“Wait, what? What’s ‘cool’?” Jay was having a hard time following.

Kevin sighed and put his pen down. “You know what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna wait too long and miss your shot. Both of you. But if you can live with that…” he shrugged. “It’d just be a damn shame.”

Jay stared at his friend, not quite able to piece together what he’d said, to allow himself to believe that anyone else knew about his feelings for his partner. He knows he’s never told anyone. He still tries to argue it. “It’s not like that.”

But Kevin’s back to writing. “Okay then.”

Frustration settles over Jay as he grimaces. He made up his mind and started toward the stairs, pausing briefly at Atwater’s desk. “Just for the record,” he put a hand down on it. “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kevin didn’t look up and Jay began walking, having made his decision. He’d go home, have a drink, and call Hailey. Because she’d wanted to talk, had left the note. Because she was his partner.

As he started down the steps Kevin looked back over his shoulder, watching him go, and laughed lightly.

Jay sat in his truck not yet having pulled out of the lot. He was trying to keep focused--purposely picturing his apartment, his couch, the beer in his refrigerator, tried to remember what game might be on tv. But then something that had nothing to do with his apartment or the plan he was trying to create appeared in his brain. His partner. Smiling. Wanting to talk. Bruised.

He was going to have to try and figure out a way around this. With a resigned sigh he picked up his phone and was about to call her, here and now—when he put the phone right back down. He’d call from home, he told himself. While he was on his couch. Drinking the beer. Watching whatever game was on.

The drive was uneventful. He’d parked and made his way up to the door, where he now stood, tossing his keys and catching them repeatedly. He’d done it four times when the door opened.

The deeper colored bruises on her face caught him by surprise. He winced and grimaced at his partner. “Ouch.”

She accepted the greeting with a quirked eyebrow. “Hi to you too.”

He walked inside as she held the door. “Sorry I didn’t call. Just thought…” That was a lie. He hadn’t thought. He’d just driven and only realized where he was when he’d put the truck in park. “Is it too late?”

She shook her head as she closed the door. “Nah.” Hailey began to shuffle back to her living room where she’d been holed up on the couch. “Besides, I’m not setting my alarm tomorrow. Voight’s order.”

“It’s a good one,” he agreed with their boss, seeing her walk so tentatively, the stitches and bruising announcing at least a mild level of discomfort if not pain.

When they were both seated, Hailey pulled the blanket she had pushed to the side at the sound of the doorbell, back over her.

Jay breathed out slowly, seeing how vulnerable she looked, how small. “So,” he all but whispered. “You wanted to talk?”

She nodded, picking at a stray thread. “Yeah,” her quiet tone matched his. “I wanted to say…to tell you… I’m sorry. For today.” She looked up at him from under her lashes, gave him a tight lipped smile. “For the week.”

He was listening. He was watching.

“I know I haven’t been easy for a while. And the truth and I haven’t exactly been on the best of terms—“

He smirked a bit at that, now his turn to quirk at brow.

“I want you to know,” she continued slowly. “Lying to you, it was wrong, it _felt_ wrong.” She looked at his eyes, meeting his gaze head on as he continued to listen. She grimaced a bit then looked back at the lone thread sticking up from the blanket material. “Jay…I’ve never had a lot that’s solid in my life. I like to think you’re that.” She paused to swallow, to calm her nerves. She'd always been an upfront person, but being upfront with her partner was sometimes just so difficult for her. Hailey took a breath, moving a hand to her ribs.” And I wouldn’t-----would never do anything to jeopardize that.” Her eyes were beginning to shine with the tears that were gathering. “I just wanted to tell you, to say —I’m…I’m so sorry. And I’d get it,” she wiped at an escaped tear and whispered a “dammit” that she hadn’t been able to stop it from falling. She took and blew out a breath, as she looked back up to him. “I’d get it if you needed some time…to trust me again. To forgive me. But I’ll wait, however long it takes. Whatever you need from me….” She knew if she looked at Jay she’d lose it completely. So she kept her head down and waited to see how much she’d damaged their partnership. Their friendship.

The warmth surrounding her hand surprised her and when she looked to see it’s source she saw Jay’s hand over hers. She looked up at him.

He found it hard to speak and when his voice came it was quiet and tinged with a rasp. “Hailey, you don’t need to apologize. I know why today happened, why you held on to this case like you did. And…it’s not great police work, no, but sometimes it’s hard to be police first and human second. Sometimes it flips.” He gave her a small smirk. “I think I’m pretty qualified to say that.”

She responded with a snort and a smile.

“You can apologize, but it’s not needed. Not anymore.” Any anger he’d had at any point had long gone. She’d said what she’d needed to say and they sat together at the end of a bizarre case, mostly safe and sound. He watched as the corner of her lips lifted in to a small smile then bit the bottom one as she still tried to control her emotions.

He realized he never moved his hand off of hers and that she hadn’t moved it away. Jay gave it a gentle squeeze and shook his head with the slightest of movements. ‘I’m not going anywhere. We’re partners. We work—so whatever we need to do, we do to keep it working.”

He paused and tried to suppress a smirk, failing miserably. “And if that means sometimes you take a turn being stupid, and I get to be the one that talks you down, then that’s okay with me.”

Hailey’s mouth flew open at the intended jab and then melted in to a smile, feeling that things were really okay between them again.


	12. chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter

Hailey woke having had a relatively unpleasant night of trying to get comfortable. She lay in her bed thinking about the past week and all that had happened in such a short amount of time.

She’d gotten a text a few days earlier from Cameron’s mother that his body had been released and they were planning his funeral. The details had been included and while Hailey thanked her for the information she never confirmed she’d be there. At the time she didn’t know if she’d be able to get away or if she’d be strong enough to be there. Now she had the time but was still uncertain of if she had the strength. A few more moments of turning over the question in her mind led her to the decision that she’d go regardless. She’d be there for his mother, she’d do it for Cameron.

Gingerly, she stretched a bit as her mind snapped to planning and organizing for the day. She got up to a more seated position against the headboard and reached for her phone. Jay had texted on his way to work.

_Morning! Take it easy today and let me know if you need anything._

Then,

_Don’t do anything crazy, Rest. You need it._

Followed by,

_I mean it._

She smiled and laughed lightly, her fingers already typing.

_Dear Pot, Thank you for the words of wisdom. I’m sure I’ll follow them just as diligently as you would. ;-) --Kettle_

A moment later her screen lit up again.

_Not sure what that means but I think I’m offended. I accept apologies in words, whiskey and coffee._

She was still smiling and thinking of her reply when another text came through.

_Kim explained. Definitely offended! Will be adding to the apology list._

She was chuckling when a text from Burgess lit up right after.

_Hey, don’t get him all riled up then leave us to deal with him. Tell him you’re gonna be a good patient today and MEAN IT!_

Hailey snorted and responded with a thumbs up emoji and a _sorry!_.

To Jay she typed,

_Promise to be good on this end. You do the same on yours._

She typed out one more text to Cameron’s mother confirming she’d be there and settled back down in her bed, trying to find the most comfortable position.

She was able to doze for a while and when she opened her eyes again she was shocked to see that it was nearly noon. Rattled to have lost so much time she got up, showered and wiped the steam from the mirror when done. She sighed at the reflection, unhappy with what stared back. The bruising in haphazard shapes across her cheek, corner of her chin, and forehead. The cut on her lip was nearly healed already and so long as she walked with care and didn’t bend her rib pain would be tolerable as it healed.

Dressing was slow but she got it done and though not a big make up user was able to cover the worst of the discoloration on her face. She had just gone downstairs when three knocks hit her door.

She opened it to a relatively annoyed looking Jay. “You got something against texting me back all of a sudden?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll let that slide for now. What’s wrong?” He didn't answer, just walked in and past her. “Come on in.”

He ignored the facetious tone. “Just checking in, making sure you were okay.”

She closed her eyes briefly. “Jay, I’m fine.” She nodded past him, inviting him farther in. “So fine I slept the entire morning.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” He reminded her, putting his jacket on the kitchen island and standing against it.

“The _entire_ morning.”

“Means you needed it.”

She huffed and shook her head. “Coffee?”

“Sure, but let me get it. You sit.” He was up and moving to trade places with her.

With a mild eye roll she complied.

“Why are you up and dressed? Look like you’re going somewhere?” The question was casual but she knew he was fishing.

Her Keurig gurgled indicating the first cup was filled and he passed it to her before putting his own pod in and pushing the button.

She held it with both hands and spoke from behind the lip. “I’m not housebound. I have a few things to do today.”

“What happened to resting?” he admonished as the Keurig signaled that his cup was now done. He took it, turned to her and leaned forward against the island as she did her best to sit up on the stool without making a face.

“What happened to working?” she sassed back.

“It’s lunch. They’ll text if they need me. Speaking of which…”

Hailey sipped her coffee and deadpanned her reply. “Upstairs. Nightstand.”

He gave her a look and took off for the stairs, coming back down within two minutes, her phone in hand.

“Password?”

She reached for it. “Yeah, nice try. Ain't happening." At his look, she continued. "That would be an invasion of privacy so I’m gonna say no to that thankyouverymuch.”

He held it up to his chest, teasing. “I could try and guess it.”

Jay caught the flash of panic in her eyes and handed it over.

“I’m _gonna_ have to guess now based on that look.”

“You’re being an ass” she muttered as she typed in the code. Her eyes scanned the screen before looking up at him, incredulous. “Nine texts? _Nine_?”

He tried to find one but had no response, opting to give her what he didn’t realize was the goofiest _I got nothing_ look she’d ever seen from him.

They were all benign, asking how she was doing, what she was doing, why she wasn’t texting him back, announcing he was coming over to check in on her in person.

“Are you satisfied, now that you see there’s nothing going on here?”

“Yeah….” He hedged. “I don’t know that I’d say that exactly. You know you shouldn’t be going anywhere, doing anything today. You’re supposed to be resting.”

She adopted a faux remembering pose,”Hm, what was it you did the first day you were home after the last hospital stay? I think…did it involve a trip to get a hamburger? ” She smirked directly at him, her eyes shining bright.

“Um,” his tone and look were at a hundred percent sass. “I needed protein. For healing.”

“Uh huh.” She may as well have just said _bullshit_.

“And we’re talking about you. You need something? Tell me. I got you.” He sipped at his coffee. “Make me a list.”

“Jay, I don’t have a list and really, I’m good. Just a few easy errands. Not even a few. _One_.” She paused as she thought ahead. She might actually need him later, to do their thing. She licked her bottom lip as her expression turned serious. “But, maybe tonight, if you wanted to stop by for a drink…”

He cocked his head a bit and squinted. What was she indirectly telling him? His mind raced ahead trying to guess. He came up empty and unsatisfied

“Are you good?” He asked trying to keep the worry out of his voice, hoping the look he gave her was enough to tell her he was serious.

She nodded immediately. “I am. Promise.”

“Okay…” He let it go, some uncertainty still evident on his face.

“Hey, you’re at lunch, how about we get out of here and actually get some?”

Jay checked his watch. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

He helped her out to his truck and they had a quick lunch together. Hailey relishing the ease that was back between them. And Jay, happy to see her relaxed and happy.

When he pulled back up to her house afterward she didn’t move to get out. She was still relaxed but now there was a tinge of sadness.

“Hailey?”

“I’m okay, Jay.” She knew how well he could read her. “Really. Just—bring beer later, okay?”

He stared at her, wishing that as relaxed a time that they had together, that she’d open up more to him. Though, he supposed, he wasn’t quite an open book to her either. What was it she had texted that morning? Pot and Kettle? So appropriate, he realized. “Okay.”

She still didn’t make a move to get out, instead nodding to herself and putting a hand on his arm. “See you later?”

“See you later.”

He watched her go and drove off only after her front door had closed behind her.

Later on, in the bullpen, Jay sat at his desk and worked on the paperwork they so far had the time to catch up on. Kim and Adam had gone out to chase a lead on one of their cases so the desks between Kevin and Jay were empty.

Jay tapped his pen against his desk then wrote a little bit, followed by more tapping. After the seventh cycle of it Kevin looked up at him.

“ **Jay** either make up a rhythm I can dance to or knock it off.”

“Hm?” Jay looked up at Atwater.

“How much are you actually even getting done over there?” Kevin challenged.

An annoyed look crossed Jay’s face. “I bet you were a lot of fun to do group projects with in school.” He groused. “I’m getting plenty done, thanks.”

“You’re hitting that pen against the desk more than the paper. What’s up?” Kevin figured he knew the topic but if he talked to Jay about it he might actually be able to get back to work.

“Nothing,” Jay tried. Then, “Hailey—“

“Ah-hah,” Kevin got up and took her seat, facing Jay. He figured as much.

“She’s fine, just. Yesterday was a lot, and today she’s better but”

“Wait, how do you know? You go over there?”

“Well, yeah, she wasn’t answering texts so I-“

“Damn, Jay…” he chuckled as Jay’s look of annoyance returned. He put up a hand to Atwater.

“Now wait a minute, don’t start. She’s supposed to be off today to rest, Voight’s order. You know her, she’s gonna push it.”

Kevin shook his head. “She is who she is Jay. And she’s tough. She’ll be fine. Let me just ask you this and then I’m gonna be done. One question.”

Jay flipped a hand sideways and nodded, telling him to go ahead.

“If it was me home on medical—or Adam, or Burgess, would you burn your lunch hour to come check?”

“What? I—“ Jay couldn’t think of a response that would satisfy Kevin so he stopped.

“You need to take a gut check, man. See if you can see what the rest of us do.”

“Which is what?” Jay challenged.

“You and Upton. You both deny it but you got feelings. More than ‘partner’ feelings.”

Jay shook his head, “You’re crazy, man.”

“Aight,” Kevin put up his hands in surrender.

Jay looked at him, curious now. “That’s it? You’re done?”

He nodded. “I said my piece man, not my place to say more.”

Jay quietly processed Kevin’s words before giving him a quiet, “Well, good. Thank you.” He’d been grappling with what his feelings were for his partner and what to do about them if anything. According to the man in front of him Hailey also had feelings. That added another layer to his thoughts.

Kevin returned to his desk and they worked in silence for the next twenty minutes. When he stopped to stretch he caught Jay closing a file and then looking to the empty seat in front of him.

“Hey,” Kevin offered. “Want to go check?”

Jay was up and out of his seating, grabbing his jacket. “Let’s go. You drive though. If she sees my truck she’ll kill me.”

Kevin laughed. It might be slightly on the pathetic side but it was nice to see this side of Halstead. The side that showed he cared, really cared, about his partner.

They’d pulled up stopping halfway down the block from her place, her car parked in its spot right outside.

“Okay?” Kevin asked.

Jay smirked. “Yeah.”

Movement to the right of the car caught both of their eyes and they saw Hailey exit and head to her car, dressed smartly in black pants and a gray top, hair back in a ponytail.

“She looks nice.” Kevin observed.

Jay’s lips flattened. “Yeah. Too nice for a regular errand.”

“You don’t want me to—“ Kevin muttered, seeing his quiet afternoon finishing paperwork going up in smoke.

“I do.” Jay nodded, serious.

“And just to make sure, you know this is a bad idea, right?”

“What? Uh, yeah, probably.” But he was curious and wanted to know where she was going.

“I’m just gonna be upfront,” Kevin watched her pull out then did the same a moment later. “If she gets mad, I’m saying you pulled rank.”

Jack smirked. “Noted.”

They followed her, hanging back so she wouldn’t notice. Hoped she wouldn’t notice. She drove through the streets of Chicago and Jay could honestly say he had no idea where she was going. He almost thought she’d known she had a tail and was trying to lose them but the right turn she took next told him differently.

She pulled between two pillars and under an arch that read Zion Gardens. A cemetery. Jay sighed as he and Kevin exchanged a look. Kevin slowed the car and hung back, not following her through right away, letting her get a bit farther ahead before moving forward again. When he did pull through the pillars he drove in for just a short distance before seeing Hailey’s car parked with others’ along the side of the road. He drove past them until he was out of sight of the cars and pulled to a stop.

“Thanks, man” Jay told him, giving him a side fist bump.

“Good luck. I’ll stay local in case you need a ride back.”

Jay raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. “Good idea.”

As Atwater drove off Jay doubled back, walking toward the cars they’d seen. Off to the right there was a group of people and he was able to spot Hailey among them. He stayed out of sight and watched as the service ended and people took turns throwing a flower into the freshly dug rectangle shape in the dirt. As they walked away in groups of 2s,3s and more, he saw Hailey stay and hug an older woman, stepping back to listen to something the woman said. The woman hugged her once again before moving on to the cars on the road. Within minutes only Hailey remained.

Hands in his jacket pockets he walked down the slight hill to his partner. He could understand her need to not stay home and come here today.

He sidled up to her quietly, trying not to startle her. He made sure his footfalls in the grass were loud enough that she could hear him approach and saw her eyes glance his way as he got closer.

“Hey,” he breathed quietly, noting her lack of surprise in seeing him.

She nodded in greeting, eyes back to the mound of fresh earth beside the hole in the ground.

He made the obvious guess. “Cameron?”

She nodded again, somewhat detached.

“Family doing ok?”

She scoffed lightly. “I guess. As okay as you can be burying your son.” Her voice was dull.

Jay nodded, inwardly rolling eyes at himself for having asked such a stupid question.

She continued to stand there, staring ahead. Jay stood with her, neither one saying a word until he felt that standing there any longer was only going to hurt more than it helped her. 

“Hailey,” he put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She surprised him with the quickness of her reply. “I can’t.” She breathed out. “Not yet. You don’t have to stay Jay.”

“Yeah, I do.” He said quietly.

That broke her stare and she blinked a few times before she looked to him, questioning.

“As much as you want to be alone, to do this on your own, you’re not gonna. I’m with you whether you want me to be or not. I’m not leaving.”

She was quiet. And very moved. She looked back out to nothing as her eyes filled with tears. It was a minute before she spoke. “I’m not ready to go. Not just yet.”

He felt himself relax, having tensed in preparation for her to be angry, to argue. “Okay,” he gave in. “C’mon though, sit.”

He helped her down to the ground, and they sat in the grass, quiet, listening to the few sounds around them. He glanced at her profile, thoughts in his head swirling about how strong she was. This had been a hellacious week for her and she’d come out the other end battered but in one piece. At least it seemed that way to anyone who didn’t know her well. He did though and knew she was struggling, trying to keep it all in, burying her feelings.

Jay started talking softly to her. “You’re gonna get through this, Hailey. It’ll take a while but I’m here if you need me. I’ll stand by you, help you, whatever it takes, whatever you need.” He hoped he was reaching her. Honesty had always been important to him but _being_ honest hadn’t always been easy. In some ways she seemed to make it easier for him and in others much, much harder. But right now, he wasn’t struggling. He was simply offering to be there for her. He only realized the enormity of his promises to her after they hung in the air and he realized the vulnerable place he’d put himself.

It took the better part of a minute before he closed his eyes in relief as she leaned in to him, laying her head against his shoulder, sighing softly. Silently he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her gently toward him.

“I hate this,” she whispered.

“I know,” he whispered back, tilting his head down to rest on hers.

“I hate knowing I put him out there, knowing that I _knew_ he wouldn’t be put off so easily and didn’t do anything to make sure. I hate that he died trying to make it up to me, to get me information he thought I needed.” Her chin trembled as she spoke and her voice broke as she tried to control her emotions. “I hate that he died looking at me, that I saw it like that, I hate that it’s what I see when I close my eyes….and I hate that I’m still like this, that I feel stuck like this.”

He pulled her to him just a bit tighter, his brow furrowing as she shared her thoughts and feelings with him. “Hey, give yourself a break. It’s been a week. I think this is more of a long-haul kind of thing, don’t rush it.” He lowered his head to hers, feeling a compulsive need to graze the top with his lips, to reassure her. He fought it and instead spoke quietly into her hair. “It’s gonna take the time it’s gonna take, and that’s okay.”

She nodded beneath him still trying to keep her emotions in check.

“Stop,” he pulled away from her a bit and she turned to look at him. “Stop fighting it. Cry. You can cry in front of me, Hailey.”

She stared up at him with wide blue eyes and he swore he could see the trust in him build as the walls blocking her emotions came down a bit. She nodded a bit and leaned back in to him. After a moment, he felt rather than heard her begin to cry. Quiet shudders here and there, shoulders twitching, and deep breaths told him she was letting it out. Slowly, and maybe not all of it, but it was a start.

They sat that way for a while until Hailey lifted her head and looked at Jay. She wiped at her eyes and simply said “Okay.”

It was all he needed to hear and all she needed to say to let him know she was ready. He stood stiffly, and helped her do the same. She took a step away from him, closer to the place where Cameron would rest.

Her mouth twitched a bit as she thought about what to say and settled for a quiet, “Bye Cam. I’m so sorry.” She bowed her head, paying her final respects before turning back to Jay. He put his arm around her again as they walked back toward her car.

“Guessing you didn’t walk here.” she asked, looking around for his truck as they approached her jeep. She fished in her pocket for the keys.

Jay smirked and looked around. “No, Atwater was my ride-- think he’s gone though.” He reached in to his pocket and checked his phone. _Guessing you’re either good for a ride or upton killed you. Either way you don’t need me. I’m out._ His smirk grew as he flipped the phone around to show her the screen. “Yep, long gone.”

She chuckled as she read it, and they got in her car. She didn’t start it immediately and her hands gripped the steering wheel as she looked out the windshield. “Thank you, Jay.” Her voice was quiet.

He licked his bottom lip. “You’ve had a hell of a week. I’m glad I could be here for you. That you let me.”

She looked over to him, curious. “What does that mean?”

He gave her a small smile. “Hailey, it’s no secret that you’re one of the most guarded people I’ve ever met. You give _me_ a run for my money. I just hope you know,” his voice faltered a bit and he cleared his throat, looking at her intently. “if you want to, you can always talk to me.”

She bit the inside of both cheeks as she thought about that. She was a private person;it had started out purposely, then became a subconscious habit, to not share details, not offer personal information. Being part of intelligence over these last few years she felt like she’d gained some ground with it, shed a few layers, allowed the team to get closer, Jay especially.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” she told him truthfully as she continued to look over at him. “It may not seem like it, but I’ve shared parts of myself, my background, with you that I’ve never.... I’ve told you before, I trust you. From day one.” Her eyes were bright blue and wide as she spoke earnestly and softly. “And if you ever want to know something…ask. I’ll try and answer the best I can.” She looked away from him briefly, her feelings and words leaving her in a state that had always made her skin crawl with discomfort. Being vulnerable and open had never worked out in her favor but with Jay it always seemed like it would be okay. Scary, but okay. At the very least, worth the effort and risk.

Jay couldn’t speak. So often they were simply in sync with words not needed. But then there were times like these, when they would use words to be incredibly honest, absolutely open about who they were, what they wanted, and what they’d been through, and he couldn’t imagine being this way with anyone else. It was like a gift, her offering to be so unguarded. He didn’t do it as often as she had, he realized. And he felt a sense of shame creep up his spine as he realized how uneven that aspect of their partnership was. 

“Hey,” he reached over and put a hand on hers, over the steering wheel and pulled it off, her face showing her surprise. Touching was a line that they hadn’t ever approached let alone crossed, but these past few days had been the exception…and it had been nice.

He didn’t quite know what to do with it now that he’d done it so he just squeezed gently. His eyes searched hers, “Thank you.” He told her with nothing but sincerity.

They sat that way for a long moment before Hailey dipped her head down and looked back up at him, breaking the moment with a knowing smile. “I think you were supposed to bring me beer tonight. Still good with that?”

He smiled back, and nodded, sitting back in the seat and only then, last, let go of her hand. “I’m not going back on my word, let’s go.”

Back at her house, after dropping Jay back at the district to get his truck, they sat on her couch, watching tv and drinking beer.

On a commercial, Hailey pushed pause on the remote and turned toward him gently. “Okay, I have a toast.”

His eyebrows raised and he smirked. “A toast…?”

“Yeah, just shut up and raise it.” She nodded to the bottle in his hand. “To partners…and friends. You’re the best of both, Jay.” She smiled at him, dimples on full display, her eyes bright with the effect of the alcohol.

“I’ll drink to that!” He clinked her bottle with his and they drank. “Okay, my turn. Ummm….” He cleared his throat and a moment later grinned and laughed. “Yeah, I’m really bad at this.”

Hailey laughed along with him. “You are,” she agreed.

“Okay, wait, wait, I think I got it….” Another throat clear and then he spoke, still smiling. “To partners and friends—“

“You can’t steal mine!” Hailey protested earning a “Shhh” and an air swat from Jay.

“Partners and friends,” he repeated, looking at her pointedly so she wouldn’t interrupt again. “that you can count on in the office, in the field _and_ after work.”

Hailey tilted her head and put out her bottom lip slightly. “Ohhhhh, you did it,” she cooed, smiling.

“Shut up and clink my bottle.”

She laughed and did. “Seriously though,” she wiped at her mouth after drinking. “that was good. You did good.”

Jay’s face was all smugness as he leaned all the way back. “Yeah, I did. That was a good one.”

Hailey shook her head and adjusted herself in her seat, currently feeling little pain. She figured she’d pay for it later but for now she was just happy to feel happy. She huffed out another soft laugh and pushed play on the remote again.

The last of the beers had been drained and the tv was off. She was about to ask Jay if he was good to drive or if he wanted to stay, taking his typical place in the guest room, but he beat her to speaking.

He played with the label on his empty bottle as he spoke. “So…you good?”

“After this week or after today?”

He snorted. “Either? Both?”

She curled her lip in to a smile that was a partial grimace. “Truth? No. But I will be.”

He nodded.

“What about you?” she changed the subject, not wanting their evening to end on a heavy note. “Good to drive or you want to stay?”

He thought about it before making his decision. “Stay.”

She nodded, smiling.

“But only if you let me get breakfast before work tomorrow.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Easy offer since I only have coffee but you’re on.”

“Hey, the intention was good!”

“Yeah, it was.” She agreed, nodding and smiling. “Thank you.” She looked at him. “Thank you for everything Jay. For this week, for today.” Her mouth twisted a bit. “For being my friend.”

“Hey,” boldly, he reached over and pulled her gently closer, an arm snaking around her shoulders. “It goes both ways.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder for a moment and hummed contently. He felt her sigh as she looked at all the beer bottles on the coffee table in front of them.

“This may not have been the best idea” she huffed, smiling.

“Please, we got this.” She didn’t see his wistful grimace as he removed his arm from her and stood, gently pulling her along with him. He walked in to the kitchen, with her close behind.

Hailey watched him with a curious look as he took 2 bottles of water from her refrigerator, grabbed the motrin from a cabinet and handed her 2 along with one of the bottles, keeping the other for himself while dry swallowing the pills.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, freezing mid movement.

“You really know your way around here, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question but more of a statement.

He shrugged with a shoulder and looked around. “I guess I do.” He smiled. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Hailey shook her head as if waking herself up. “It’s fine.”

They turned off the lights and walked upstairs with Jay checking her mid flight to make sure she was doing okay. She waved him away but was slightly out of breath when she reached the top.

They stood in the hallway outside of her bedroom for too long to be considered normal. Finally it was Hailey who broke the tension, flashing a tight, uncertain smile.

“G’night Jay” she said quietly, looking at him intently.

“Night.” He responded, staring back.

She tried her best for normalcy. This wasn't his first time sleeping in her guest room. “See you in the morning.” She disappeared in to her room, closing the door behind her.

Jay stood where he was, looking at the closed door and wetted his lips. His feelings for his partner were definitely more defined than he’d realized. This week, today…tonight, helped him see the possibilities that could be. His mouth twitched as he continued to watch her door. He had a feeling that the woman on the other side may have similar feelings for him, a realization that made him feel warm and….hopeful.

He whispered another, “g’night Hailey” knowing she wouldn’t hear it, before moving down the hall to the next bedroom. Tomorrow would be another day with her, as her partner, her friend, and whatever else that might come to be.


End file.
